A Future Of Outstretched Arms
by Freekiellie
Summary: Enter, Masochists. A few short reads. Drabbles and oneshots delving into my dark soul which throws out stories when I'm emotional. With the occasional fluff. Summaries are all inside so pick and choose, let your ships set sail. The Shinsengumi take on a new role in the war, one in which the demon commander and the infamous shiroyasha will meet in darkened dungeons.
1. Into Your Silver Core

**AN- Sorry to interrupt ;)**

 **These are a series of one shots based on prompts I've had. Some will be GINHIJI (okay a lot will be GinHiji) and I'll summarise the ratings etc at the start of each one. Most importantly:**

 **I TAKE PROMPTS. Give me your wildest imaginations (though I am not promising I'll do them all) :) Anyway, you may continue ...**

Primero

Rated K+, GinHiji

 **Into Your Silver Core**

"Yeah but why do I got to come with ya?" Hijikata complained, whacking Gintoki and sending his permy head jolting forward with an _oft!_ In response, Gintoki glared grumpily.

"Because I'll only be _two_ minutes! Can you hang on that long, your royal highness?!"

"You're not just after my wallet, are ya?!"

"Not unless you're offering." Gintoki sent a few stones skittering with a huff and a flick of his boot.

"Well I won't be; I didn't bring it." Hijikata blew smoke into Gintoki's face until he whined and scratched at the air, muttering curses. They finally rounded the corner to Gengai's and Gintoki adjusted his grip on the rice cooker in his hand. The old man saw them coming and gave an immediate groan, followed by the sight of his back as he tried to sneak inside his garage.

"Oi! Old man! Don't ignore me!"

Hijikata sighed heavily as Gintoki scampered away, growling insults and throwing a fit at the old man. He presented the item in his hands and Gengai eyed it like it was offending him. Whilst Gintoki stomped his feet in a tantrum, Hijikata once again wondered why he was casually dating this buffoon. His fingers played with a row of broken clocks, wires and batteries lining a desk near the entrance. Knowing Gintoki, 'two minutes' could end up two hours because he was that chatty. Not forgetting that he was a magnet for trouble.

They had been on their way to a bar; it was evening and the sun was dipping further from sight over the horizon, casting a sort of murky grey light from behind the cumulating clouds. It was safe to say there had been a fair bit of whining from both ends when Gintoki announced he wanted to stop off here first. It wasn't often they went out – Hijikata had better things to do and there was a large part of him that refused to admit he'd had sex with his idiot.

He could no longer put it down to a mistake though, because the perm-haired pest had done no more than grunt a few words into his neck and he'd practically dragged Gintoki home to make the mistake a second time. And the demon commander didn't repeat mistakes, especially not seven times. So this wasn't a mistake, unfortunately. He didn't know what it was, though.

"300 yen is enough for this pile of shit!" Gintoki broke Hijikata's train of thought with a yell and he found himself rolling his eyes. He'd have to fork out his wallet soon (yeah, he'd lied) and pay just to get them out of here faster.

"It's a pile of shit which is why it will take more than 300 yen to fix it!"

"You rip off old man."

Hijikata drowned out the noise again and started flicking a few switches on the dead equipment before him. There was a metal disfigurement on the table, opened up like a dead carcass with its insides spilled everywhere. He thumbed the buttons absent mindedly, until a sudden jolt ran though his fingers. Hijikata looked at his hands in surprise, feeling the buzz melt away slowly.

 _Shit, must have still been connected._ He mused. _That was close. Could'a electrocuted myself._

As it happened, something much, much worse began.

The buzzing fired up stronger and Hijikata couldn't tell if the deafening noise was inside his head or out; in seconds, his whole body was rattling with a numb sort of charge. There was an electric whine in his ear and he just caught Gintoki's cute fuddled brow looking over – ah, he said it was cute – when he vanished.

He literally felt himself vanish.

The sensation was so odd that he couldn't even panic. He glanced around himself and felt like he wasn't seeing anything, which was possibly an odder feeling than that of vanishing. Would he call this white? Or just blank? There was nothing around him – nothing at all.

He crashed into reality with a jolt, the foreign feelings evaporating into dust as the world settled back into focus. It wasn't the world he was expecting. Gone were Gintoki and Gengai - instead he was surrounded by a wide plain that had been desecrated by fires. It was charred black but the remnants of a village jutted out from the earth: wooden planks, collapsed houses and stone wells raised from the ground, shadows of what they were. Hijikata started as the smell of smoke assaulted him, strong and choking. He began to move, searching for clean air to breathe and to escape this village graveyard.

He turned, masking his mouth with his sleeve but a familiar glint of silver stopped him. Without thinking too much, he stumbled over towards it. Something familiar would be nice since he'd been ripped out of normality into some sort of other world. Just what had Gengai been fixing?!

"Gintoki?" He whispered, afraid of shattering this fragile existence. It _was_ Gintoki, but Hijikata was quick to realise something was wrong. His boyfriend wasn't making an unnecessary racket, like expected. He was hovering before the remnants of an archway, maybe the entrance to a temple. He wasn't wearing his usual garish yukata adorned with a black under-shirt. From the back presented to him, Hijikata could make out the glint of armoured shin pads and a long, white yukata stained a murky red colour at the edges. It was the kind of stain that had stubbornly persisted after many washes and water couldn't get it out. Something told him not to call out. As Hijikata stealthily advanced without alerting Gintoki to his presence, the stranger tapped the wood with his fingers and mournfully watched it crumble.

"Shoyo." He said, the words barely audible but Hijikata _knew._ He'd heard the whispers of nightmares on a cold night under the moon. He'd felt the night tremors shake Gintoki and the only word he could keep uttering during these uncommon fits was _Shoyo, Shoyo, Shoyo._

One more pace brought him five metres behind, but that was as far as he was apparently going to get as Gintoki swivelled in shock and a sword was glinting through the air before Hijikata could grasp his own katana in defence. The blade stopped a fingernail away from his throat, cold eyes pinning him to the spot.

"Who're you?" Gintoki grunted and despite the blade licking at his throat, Hijikata couldn't move. This was _not_ his Gintoki. His eyes were dull, dead and lifeless, save for the spark of hostility forced to glint in his direction. Yeah, Gintoki's eyes were always dull but not like _this._ This was a look of utter and complete despair. The darkness under his eyes spelled weeks worth of sleepless nights, his skin seemed to hang off his cheek bones and everything was grey. His pallor, his dirtied clothes - they were all a dull, dull grey.

"Gin...toki?" The words left his mouth before he could bite them back. Confusion flashed across Gintoki's face and the sword edged away slightly but didn't remove itself.

"You … know me?"

"Maybe not ..." Hijikata admitted and kept his eyes on the stranger before him. His chest felt tighten; he'd never seen Gintoki look so defeated. He had also never been at the other end of his malice. No matter how brutal their argument had become, Gintoki had never given him this expression. The katana at his neck rattled again in impatience, calling for attention.

"Answer me or you'll lose your head."

"Who do you think you're talking to, asshole!" Hijikata immediately growled. Something about being with Gintoki sparked an innate irritation reaction programmed into him. The sword faltered. That cute befuddlement contorted Gintoki's face and the chest pain faded slightly. It wasn't Gintoki, but it still was at the same time. From the look of it, this was a younger Gintoki. How he'd got here, he had no idea. Maybe he'd passed out from being electrocuted and was having a very lucid dream.

Regardless of whether he knew this Gintoki or not, or even if this version would carry out his threats, Hijikata was _not_ letting the guy threaten him – more so if he was just a brat. Gintoki's eyes flicked to Hijikata's sheathed katana and seemingly he came to a decision. The sword retracted and Gintoki stepped away.

"You'd better get out of here. Amanto troops are advancing this way."

"Don't tell me what to do."  
"Hah?!" His mouth hung open; obviously he hadn't expected a stubborn stranger.

"What are you doing here?"

"Why are you...?" The samurai shook his head in disbelief but Hijikata raised an expecting eyebrow. "Stupid old man."

"I'm not old!"

"Stupid old man!"

"Don't say it twice! And don't dodge the question." Hijikata stepped forward as the younger Gintoki moved away from him. He was completely on his back foot now, the growling bad guy façade little more than a child's bravado.

"Why would I tell you?" He pouted, bottom lip protruding outwards ever so slightly. God, he hadn't changed.

"Because I asked, you damn brat-"  
"I'm not a brat."

"Then I'm not an old man." Hijikata waited. Red eyes frowned, then looked away and that previous sadness crept back once more. He hated that look. It was misplaced on someone who hid what he felt so well.

"This was where I used to live, before it was burned to the ground."

"Mmm." Hijikata looked around at the barren land. It had probably been turned to cinders a few years ago, not recently. Something had brought Gintoki back here. "It's … nice." Gintoki shot him a scathing glare, but Hijikata easily deflected it.

"Someone I know … was killed two days ago. I just came back to return something of his."

 _Shoyo._

Hijikata pondered on what to say. He thought about saying nothing at all but the dead, red eyes beside him were burning holes of vengeful hatred into the ground and he _couldn't_ leave him be. There was so much raw pain in young Gintoki. It must have been breaking him from the inside out and from his complexion, he wasn't too many steps away from destroying himself.

"A not-so wise man once told me," he began, leaving a suitable pause to catch Gintoki's attention. "That it's always darkest just before dawn. But don't close your eyes, because those who turn their eyes away from the darkness won't be able to see the light shining on them tomorrow." Turning his head, he found that Gintoki was gazing at him with slight dismay. A red burn hit his face. "Or something ..." He mumbled. Then, the young Gintoki did something unusual.

He laughed.

It started off as a small chuckle, whilst a smile began to lighten his face. It lasted less than ten seconds, but that was enough to alleviate his expression a little when it ended. For Hijikata, it ended too soon.

"I'll remember that." Gintoki sighed and looked up at the darkening sky as rain clouds began to circle. At that moment, the buzzing from earlier began to spark up in Hijikata's veins. His whole existence seemed to flicker like the image of an old television and Hijikata knew he was going back or waking up or whatever the hell it was. Young Gintoki wasn't watching him, admiring the clouded sky with substantially more relaxed composure than when they first met. Hijikata was going to call out to him, but everything wiped out. A second later, he jolted back to Gengai's garage.

"Hijikata?!" Gintoki, his Gintoki, was above him with a worried expression. Seconds of confusion dragged by until Hijikata realised he was back and he was on the floor. The buzzing had gone. "Hijikata, oi, can you hear me?!" His eyes sharpened into focus.

"Shu'rup." He complained, sitting upright with several grunts. Gintoki offered a hand on his back but it wasn't necessary.

"You got yourself electrocuted, you damn moron! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with things when you don't know what they are?"

"She also told me to marry a good wife from a wealthy family. You're neither a woman, nor rich. And you ain't good." The furrowed brow on Gintoki's expression eased away and Hijikata swore he smiled a little, possibly in relief. He erased this instantly and burst into the usual bout of insults but all Hijikata could think of was he was back.

"We're not married, fool. And I make the perfect wife. My baking is superb."

This was _his_ Gintoki.

"C'mere." Hijikata muttered, pulling Gintoki mid-rant into a strong embrace. The words melted out of Gintoki into an unintelligible slur. Hijikata held him to his chest and nuzzled his face into his neck to breathe him in. One hand softly patted the head of curls. He'd been through a lot, his Gintoki. He'd never said anything but the demons were there.

" _Old man_ ," Gintoki whispered, frozen. " _Can you call an ambulance?_ "

"'m fine."

"Oh. Okay." His tone said that he didn't believe him and the rustle of hands suggested he was silently gesturing to Gengai. Hijikata held on for a moment longer, then began to pull away. Gintoki let him and that oh so adorable furrow of his brow was back. "Did you hit your head? Not at birth, like now?"

"Maybe." He shrugged.

"Since you're in a good mood … wanna go at it? YAHK!-"

The bruise Gintoki had lasted a week; the unimpressed glares from Hijikata lasted a week and a half; the pout remained on Gintoki's face for two weeks.


	2. Earn Your Name

Segundo - 

Rated T, Hijikata centric

The newly formed Shinsengumi get asked to take over a pretty dark duty during the Joui wars and it leads to an encounter that Hijikata would never forget.

 **Earn Your Name**

Hijikata dragged in another breath of toxic fumes, held it, then watched it spiral out into the cold winter air. The plume rose, twisted like a tornado and then dissipated into fading fragments. It was another cold day, just like the last hundred or so and winter didn't seem to want to let go. Yesterday it had hailed and the remnants of puddles still rippled in the corners of the Shinsengumi barracks. Hijikata sucked in another lungful of nicotine to satisfy his cravings and then carefully stubbed it out on the ashtray beside his ankle. He had work to do and it wasn't part of his ethos to bring cigarettes with him to his meetings with the higher ups. The Shinsengumi was still starting out, still under the watchful eyes of others waiting for them to slip up. He didn't want to put a foot out of place, regardless of how insignificant it seemed. He wasn't all that hooked on smoking anyway. It was something he had started recently on a whim and a morning smoke was all he needed to last him the day. A clatter at the door altered him to Kondo's presence.

"Are you ready, Tosshi?"

"Ahh." He hummed.

They left the barracks with a limited number of samurai. The higher ups had a new job for the Shinsengumi to add to their duties and today was only a sort of try-out until they got everything organised and took over the job completely. They still had no idea what it would be. Hijikata wasn't entirely concerned – if Kondo was happy, he would wag his tail behind as usual. A tug on his hair alerted him to Sougo's presence.

"Thought you were going to get this cut off?" He asked, giving the long ponytail another few yanks. Hijikata shrugged him away with a flap of his hand and frowned in his direction.

"I said I _might_."

"Hm?" Sougo tilted his head and Hijikata hated how ominous that felt. The kid was getting creepier by the day.

As they were led closer, Hijikata's internal map flagged up that they were heading for the prison. He'd been there before a lot and the Shinsengumi already helped out with several duties. In fact, they had two permanent guards stationed there. The prison was brimming with rebels from the war which was only approaching their sanctum faster and faster. Each report that fed back showed that the war spilling in this direction. If it disrupted their peace, Hijikata would be the first one to cut them down - amanto, bakufu and joui alike. He'd finally found where he wanted to be and no selfish, meaningless war was going to interfere with that.

At the prison entrance, two guards stepped to stop them, hands moving stealthily to their hips where a katana settled ready to strike. They were stood at ease by voices from behind. A tall, ginger haired man nodded in Kondo's direction and made direct eye contact with Hijikata. They each held on without smiling until the tall man broke away. He stood beside another, slightly shorter man with a stocky build and short black hair to his scalp. This man approached them with open arms.

"Kondo Isao, I'm guessing." He bowed quickly and shallowly to Kondo, who returned the gesture.

"Indeed. This is my vice commander, Hijikata Toshiro. The rest are my hand picked men – you can be sure you're in good hands."

"I've heard plenty already." He beamed in return, and Hijikata didn't really think that was a compliment. Kondo grinned happily though, so he said nothing. "I'm Takishida Shichiro and this is Uehara Jurou. Let us lead you inside before we talk."

They followed down the cobbled pathway to the main doors just beyond the entrance. Takishida's presence granted them immediate access through every doorway they passed, until they came to a stop outside a guarded wooden gate. Takishida waited until they had gathered around.

"Today is just going to be a briefing of what we do, as you know. So if you could split into two groups, I'll take one group and Jurou-kun will take the other. There are two types of investigation and we'll demonstrate both so you can go back and inform the rest of your men back at your barracks. We'll work out the rest of the details another day."

"What are the two investigation types?" Kondo asked and Hijikata noticed a smirk twitch on Uehara's face. His fingertips wriggled at his hips.

"I'll be showing you the basic investigations that include trying to get confessions out of petty criminals, or talking to witnesses and victims. Uehara will be showing you … the other one." He left the words unsaid but indicated with his tone what sort of things would be going on. Kondo still seemed confused though, so Hijikata spelled it out for all of them.

"Torture."

"Obviously." Uehara scoffed, speaking for the first time. He still had that grin plastered on his face. He made eye contact with Hijikata once more, and the hairs on his neck bristled. He pushed back his shoulders and returned the glare sideways without turning his head.

"Kondo-san, you and Sougo go with Takishida-san. Harada and I will go with this guy."

"I'm glad I get the pleasure of your company, demon Hijikata. Let's have some fun in there."

"Tosshi-" Kondo began to stop Hijikata by extending his arm towards his back which was already moving to follow Uehara into the centre of the prison.

"Trust me, Kondo-san." He waved a hand over his shoulder. "Let's go, Harada."

The light dipped along with the temperature and soon it was beyond cold and into the minus numbers. Hijikata could trace his breath as it cut through the air. The cold was slicing through his thin yukata, making goosebumps spill over his skin. They were walking past cells now on either side, some empty but a lot were full. They all wore handcuffs and there was not a bed to be seen in this concrete labyrinth. It was a typical sign of the war going on all around them. Even this place, so far from the main battle, was bursting with joui rebels. A lot cast them scathing looks or shouted insults. _Bakufu dogs! Scum!_ It was nothing he hadn't heard before.

Not too far away from them, a guard was jeering through the bars and occasionally kicking the metal until it rang, echoing towards them, the vibrations triggering a rattle that ran through one side of the hallway. Uehara called out when they got close enough and the other man straightened with a sadistic grin.

"Uehara, you'll never guess what."

"Eh? Have we got some fun lined up?"

"They've caught one of the top rebels. Handed himself in, by the sounds of it. Should be coming our way soon." Uehara let out a bellow of a laugh.

"You know which one? I hope it's that pretentious prick with dark hair."

"Takasugi?" The other man sniggered, kicking the bars again like it was an unconscious habit. "I don't know who it is. But we'll find out."

Hijikata had heard the name Takasugi before. It was becoming one of those whispered rumours rattling around the women of their village. People didn't like to show their support for either side in order to protect themselves, so talk of the war was hidden behind closed doors. Hijikata caught ear of it in bars he sometimes ventured or in his favourite eatery.

"Oi, demon." Uehara called and Hijikata bristled. He didn't usually care either way what people called him and this particular nickname was something he'd had to put up with since childhood. He had become immune to it, or so he had thought. Yet this guy could rile him up easily. He was definitely suited for getting information out of people. The psychological damage he was capable of was becoming apparent. "Looks like you're in for a treat!"

"Just show us what to do and that'll be enough."

"Once you get into it, you'll enjoy it." Uehara stalked closer. "You won't be able to sleep with excitement." It took a hand on his shoulder from Harada to stop his lip from curling and to remove his hand from his katana. This guy was disgusting and he wasn't hiding it. Hijikata just wanted to be in and out of there as soon as possible. He was only glad that Kondo wasn't here. He was far too kind hearted to witness whatever kinks this sadistic little fuck decided to employ in his spare time. Sougo was far too young, too.

They were interrupted by a clatter of metal behind them and the rattle of a sliding gate. Then, shouts echoed down the walkway. Hijikata turned, though he wasn't fond of turning his back on Uehara. Or his pal.

"Get walking." A guardsman cursed, kicking something forward. Hijikata laid eyes on a head of silver-white hair which dropped down a little at the kick. As the man slowly looked up beneath thick bangs, they made eye contact – Hijikata and the prisoner, frozen in one look.

His eyes were red.

Uehara whistled. "The Shiroyasha! Jesus I could wet myself I'm so happy."

"It'll be him that pisses his pants later though." The other guffawed.

Hijikata couldn't say a word. He had been frozen by those eyes which burned a deep crimson. They were calm too, like the eye of a storm. His presence was ethereal, thanks to locks of white hair and pale, porcelain skin. The Shiroyasha, white demon, was such a fitting name. In fact, Hijikata's own nickname paled in comparison. The man stood with broad shoulders and though he wasn't taller, his presence seemed to tower over the guards. This demon echoed power and how the _hell_ had he been captured? Suddenly it seemed like the bakufu had tamed a lion and here it was, growling before them, stalking them with his eyes with the confidence that he could pounce whenever.

Before he knew it, the Shiroyasha was been pulled past him and they still had not broken eye contact. Hijikata's mouth was on the floor. The Shiroyasha didn't let a single emotion shine through his deadened eyes up until the very last second they pulled away from Hijikata. Finally, he could breathe again.

The prison gate clanged open and the guards set about chaining the man to the wall. This was unlike the other prisoners, who at least could roam their cells. He was hung from two manacles attached firmly to the concrete wall so that his hands were above his head and his feet barely scraped the floor. Uehara was practically bouncing as he was restrained. He only spared a second to beckon Hijikata and Harada into the cell. Harada hadn't said a word the whole time. They both had a lot to take in and manage all at once.

Above all, they were about to watch this lion be ripped apart by two rats.

The escorts left once the job was done and Uehara and his companion shared a grin. He reached for a box and took out a long twisted strip of hard leather.

"We start with the whip." He smiled silkily at the Shiroyasha who didn't even spare him a glance. "Talk when you're ready. But not too soon, because I want to hear you scream, my friend." Uehara looked back over his shoulder at Hijikata and beckoned him closer again. "You wanna be able to feel his blood when I send it flying."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" His fist clenched at his side and Harada muttered into his ear again. Torture was protocol, he knew that, and who better to do it that a sadistic fuck? The guy was giggling to himself as he moved to stand before the demon.

"We start with an easy one," he mused, tapping the leather against his hand. "Tell me where your camp is headed."

The Shiroyasha rose his head and made direct, fearless eye contact with Uehara. Then, with the most graceful of movements of his lips, he smirked.

The whip cracked sharply and a fiery red line flashed across the man's bare chest. He held in a grunt but his mouth still twisted in pain.

"You okay there, Shiroyasha?" Uehara came close enough to run the leather across the man's face.

"I'd be worse if you didn't hit like a girl." The grin that broke across the man's face was equally as sadistic as the torturer that stood before him. Hijikata took a step back. In a second, Uehara was laughing but he couldn't be heard over the sound of his whip cracking over and over again. The Shiroyasha stayed steadfast and swallowed every grunt or cry. Each time silence descended, he'd look up again with a fresh smile that was driving Uehara further into madness. He had long since stopped asking questions. It was simply a battle of will power which Hijikata could not understand – this man was chained up. He had no cards in his favour. Why was he rattling his persecutor? It didn't make sense. He was probably insane, which was expected of someone named _the white demon_.

The whip sang through the air, slapping again and again until blood was trickling onto the floor and wounds littered his chest like a tic-tac-toe board. Still, he remained stone faced in the face of pain and lips tightly shut. Uehara sighed, dramatically.

"I need my tools. Oi, Demon number 2," he looked to Hijikata, offering out his whip. "I'll be back in a mo. Take over." He passed it to him as he left, footsteps echoing down the corridor.

Hijikata felt the heavy weight resting on his palm and clenched his fingers around its girth. Was this one of the jobs they would be entrusted to? He didn't want to see his men turn into creatures like Uehara. He didn't want to command them to do something like this. Who was the _real_ evil one here? The so-called demon protecting his country or the so-called demon protecting himself?

"Not going to hit me?" The Shiroyasha asked, bringing Hijikata out of his thoughts. He glanced up and met with fiery red eyes looking back at him calculatingly.

"What's your name?" He surprised even himself by asking. The Shiroyasha raised an eyebrow that casually vanished under his bangs. Hijikata didn't expect him to answer.

"... Gintoki."

"How did you end up in here?"

"Oi, aren't you meant to be torturing me? Are you two playing good cop, bad cop?"

"I ain't going to hit you with this." The demon commander sighed, lowering the whip to his hip. "It doesn't sit right with me."

Gintoki didn't say anything in reply. He lowered his eyes again and his chest heaved in an unsteady breath. The lesions across his whole body looked to be burning, on fire. They were oozing fresh blood and had a nasty red and raised rim to each gash. Harada caught Hijikata's gaze and his look spoke volumes in the silence. _What are we going to do?_ Were they going to take this job? They could hardly say no, but it went against everything Hijikata believed in to stand and force a man to sell out his comrades. He looked away – he couldn't answer. He needed to speak to Kondou.

"Would it make this easier for you if I said I was a murderer?"

"Not really, how innocent do you reckon _I_ am?... What got you in here?"

"Asking again," Gintoki snorted and the chains clattered as he wriggled slightly, trying to let some blood back into his arms. His toes scraped the floor in vain. "I'm the daughter of a guy who sold me out." Eyebrows raised. Hijikata got the impression that Gintoki wasn't a straight talker, unlike himself. He didn't feel like asking for the English version of that story would get him any closer to the truth. All he could establish was that he probably didn't remorsefully hand himself in after deeply considering his actions.

The conversation didn't really go much further. By the time Uehara had returned baring a new grin, laden with more tools to amuse himself, Kondou had called for Hijikata to return. It was just as well - he was beginning to feel sick. Turning his back on the man tied up at Uehara's mercy was also one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. The churning in his stomach regurgitated all his morals and the worst thing was, he _knew_ this was wrong. He knew he had no right to torture a man standing up for his comrades. They stood on the opposite sides of a chess board but really, they were the same piece.

A white knight and a black one.

Luckily for him, the Shinsengumi moved headquarters two weeks following Hijikata's encounter with the Shiroyasha. The group went under new reforms and settled down permanently in Edo. He still didn't know what had happened to Gintoki - had he sold out his comrades in the end? Had pain conquered mental fortitude? Or had he been a fool and stayed true, murdered for his loyalty? He wouldn't know and their short encounter in a prison cell would be the first and last time Hijikata would partake in torture of such magnitude. The Shinsengumi weren't formed for that purpose and somehow Kondou managed to negate the offer to take over similar investigation styles in Edo. Hijikata's memories of that day faded away slowly till only a sense of vague fear and a silver predator remained in his subconscious.

Though, ten years later, he encountered someone of similar red eyes and white hair. For a moment, for one heart stopping second, he recalled those demonic eyes from many years previous. The guy then picked his nose and stared lazily back with dead-fish eyes void of any recognition.

Naah.

 **AN-**

 **Hope you're enjoying these!**


	3. One Piece of GinHiji

Tercero

Rated T, Hijikata centric

A celebration of the fact that Hijikata's voice actor also voices Zoro from OnePiece. This is a recreation of when Zoro took on Luffy's pain.

 **One Piece of GinHiji**

Hijikata raised his head from the ground. He shook like a newborn lamb and _god_ , this headache. His skull had been crushed by a blow from this demon looming over them. He wouldn't go down; they had pounded him with everything they had, used every ounce of blood firing through their veins and it had _still_ not been enough. Not by a long shot. They hadn't even touched the surface of this guy's ocean of power and Hijikata was _scared_. He was the only one still conscious, desperately trying to get up, _get up_ , get the _fuck_ up! His muscles burned in stubborn refusal, simply shaking under him. A cold shiver ran up the bottom of his spine and his legs were beginning to tingle. The feeling in them was fading and that was terrifying. How much longer would he be able to remain conscious?

Utsuro was still there. The footsteps heading his way were an eerie echo of their solitude. Hijikata twisted his head to the side and the body of Kondou was heaped next to him. Unconscious. Just beyond that, Sougo was splayed on his back after a particularly hard punch had knocked him more than just a few metres backwards. Unconscious. The battlefield was strewn with the same story, over and over again. Kagura was out cold, Shinpachi a lifeless form beside her, their leader had lasted the longest but even he was gone. The blood pooling beneath him was an unhealthy amount. Hijikata could see his paper-white complexion splattered with crimson blood spots. His breathing was hitched and short and _definitely_ not healthy. He had battled hard through the pain of confusion – Hijikata didn't know the story but he got the basic idea that someone he knew and loved was turning a katana towards his neck. That was enough to explain his distress and the increased tension in the yorozuya as his kids stepped up to protect him.

Where had that lead them?

They were all tipping towards the wrong side of the light and only Hijikata and that beast were still blinking. The footsteps halted at his side. With a judder that ran through his whole body, Hijikata jolted himself onto his hands and knees, strained to look up at Utsuro.

"I'm surprised you're still breathing." He commented and Hijikata was absolutely sure that this wouldn't be the case for long. Each breath cracked his ribs and hissed through the air, his head bobbing in fatigue. He scrambled to his feet, heaving together all of his strength into his legs until he stood before the demon who had brought his comrades to their knees.

"What …" he grunted, katana still clattering in his hand. "W-what can I give you … to persuade you not kill them?" Utsuro raised his eyebrows a little, eyes void of any sort of emotion that should occur from brutally slicing down his student.

"You're asking me to save you all?"

At this moment, Hijikata did something he never thought he would and Sougo would be having a field day if he was conscious. If he was conscious. That would be nice. If any one of them were still breathing with him it'd help make this situation seem just a little less shitty. Maybe if just one more person were standing with him, they'd have a glint of hope … There was no hope, not against this monster. Knowing this, Hijikata descended slowly onto his knees. He bowed his head low and said as firmly as he could,

"Please, don't kill them." He daren't raise his head; he was so sure it was about to be lopped off his shoulders. The silence stretched like the pain across his abdomen until the moment Utsuro finally spoke.

"I can make you a deal, if you are truly loyal to your friends." Hijikata glanced up, blinking the stars from his eyes and the hazy blanket that threatened to rob him of consciousness. "I have no reason to kill any of you. I can remove all of the injuries your comrades have suffered … for a price."

"What?" Hijikata was impatient. No one beside him had moved. Time ticked by and they remained silent as the dead. The twisting in his stomach worsened and started doing back-flips.

"I'll remove their pain … and give it all to you. Take on all the pain from the attacks that Gintoki has received and I shall let you go. Are you willing to experience hell?"

It was a no brain-er for Hijikata. His comrades would all go free if he could bear the pain of the injuries Gintoki had sustained. He agreed immediately and gulped down the rising fear burning in his chest as Utsuro diverted his attention to the body of Gintoki. He waved a hand over the body and a strange silver glow erupted from the limp figure bleeding to death on the floor. Gintoki grunted, but did not awaken as the bubble of silver shimmering air swelled to the size of a house. It curved and defused itself from Gintoki, following the wave of Utsuro's hand so that it was suspended between Hijikata and Utsuro.

"What I just removed from Gintoki was his pain … and his fatigue. It is all the damage that has been inflicted on him in his battle." _Jesus, it's huge._ "However, as close to death as you are, I doubt you would survive this."

"And you promise," Hijikata just about managed to keep his head lifted but he couldn't straighten the shake in his voice. "You promise they'll go free? Even if I die?"

"I am a man of my word. But even so, you will all certainly die if you don't take this chance. Regardless of your trust in me, this is your only option." Hijikata gritted his teeth because he was right, he was weak, he had no say in this. If he wasn't this weak … _shit_.

"Alright." Hijikata steeled himself, fingernails scratching his palm as he clenched his fist tightly. "Gimme your worst."

Utsuro didn't blink. He showed no emotion as he siphoned off a bubble of the silver matter the size of his hand.

"I'll give you a taste."

The moment the bubble sank into Hijikata's chest was surreal. For a second, he felt so much that he couldn't react. His breath caught in his throat and he was choking on the pain, struggling to breathe as an earthquake of sensations battered his body like a sledge hammers hitting him again and again. His nerves were electrocuting him, each one of them screaming along his limbs. He felt _everything_. Every type of pain he had ever experienced collided into him all at once; his bones were breaking and his joints were dislocating and his muscles were trembling with fatigue whilst bile burned the back of his throat. A scream ripped through him as the bubble sank deeper. Each second, tens of bullets ripped through him and though he gritted his teeth against it, a howl of agony tore the air in two. He couldn't breathe. He was panicking because he _couldn't_ breathe and only swallows of air made it past his throat because he was being seared again and again by burning flames across his organs and -

He collapsed. The pain brought him face down to the floor as the final shudders of the bubble popped through him. Eventually, it was over. Thank god it was _fucking_ over. He rolled over and coughed up blood between pants. His hands trembled and moving to just lift his wrist was agonising.

"How was that?"

"... Just let me … go somewhere else. Please."

…

"Danna, what happened to you?" Okita asked, following Gintoki with his eyes as he bounced on his toes.

"I feel so light!" He giggled. "Maybe it's the adrenaline but I feel great!"

"I'm glad _you_ feel fine, you useless adult." Kagura grunted, pulling a face. Gintoki stuck out his tongue at her and she returned the gesture. The rest of the bodies were beginning to stir. Kondo was blinking weary eyes and testing the pain in his injured knee. Shinpachi was helping to patch up the open wound on Kagura's arm. Okita was watching Gintoki with a frown. His eyes left Gintoki for a second to scour the area.

 _What happened to Utsuro? Why aren't we all dead?_

"Where's Tosshi?" Kondo grunted, getting to his unsteady feet. Okita noticed the katana on the floor – Hijikata's. His eyes widened.

"No way ..."

Okita sprinted away from the group over the rubble of the town which had stood there just a day ago. He scampered across the rocks and chunks of buildings, all whilst glancing around.

"There's no way that guy could be okay," he cursed, changing direction with a skitter of his heels. "Where is the bastard? What's he doing, taking the glory for himself? He's a stubborn idiot – he can't beat Utsuro-" He caught a glance of a figure and scampered to a stop. "Ah, there he is."

Hijikata, just over the ridge of a fallen building on a raised area of stone that had created a plateau, stood stock still with his arms tightly folded across his chest.

"Hijikata~, what's up? Run away, did you?"

There was no response so he edged closer, clambering over the rubble.

"There's no shame in that. What's wrong? Have you -" It was then that Okita noticed that the ground on which he was treading was a rusty colour. On closer inspection, it was red. He traced the stain with his eyes and with a shock, he realised it was blood. "What the hell-?!" He was standing in blood and as his eyes tracked upwards, Hijikata was also painted in it. Fresh wounds were oozing crimson liquid like water. His uniform was in shreds and he still hadn't reacted, arms folded, eyes on the horizon. "Hijikata?! What's with all this blood? Are you still alive?! Where's Utsuro? What the hell happened?!"

Hijikata's lip trembled as though he was struggling to say something. His eyes were hazy.

"N-nothing … happened."

 **AN- If you're enjoying don't forget to review! I've got a lot of ongoing fics at the moment and I want to keep updating the ones people like the most :)**


	4. Between the Mist, You and I

The First

Rated K, OkitaxKagura

Set just before Yorozuya Eien Nare so watch out for spoilers if you haven't watched the film.

 **Between the Mist, You and I.**

The fog had begun to settle eerily on the graveyard so Sougo almost didn't see the figure knelt before Sakata Gintoki's grave. He hushed his footsteps and became still as the stone pillars surrounding them on all sides, watching the girl trace the writing with her fingers, her expression forlorn. The fog curled around his feet and hid him from view, a light wind twisting the air around him like ivy crawling up his chest.

Okita Sougo had a problem. It was something he'd never encountered before and likely, never again. Though he'd mainly ignored it for a few weeks, the thought was becoming more prominent in his head and now it was positively screaming for attention. There wasn't much that could occupy his mind to this extent which was why he was finding himself at a loss. The problem wasn't life threatening; to be honest it was intriguing. There was a stirring in his chest and a softening in his eyes erupting all over again as he looked down at the girl on the floor, eyes a raw red from crying.

At first, he had thought that he was simply amused by the sight. Seeing his arch enemy down and beaten was satisfying, or so he had thought. Soon, it transpired that this wasn't a happy emotion and it didn't just sprout every time the girl was sobbing her eyes out. This feeling kept exploding in him at random times. Like, for instance, she had kicked the shit out of a group of bandits trying to break into Otose's snack bar. At that time he'd felt it. Another time, they'd had a squabble over something petty and the fight had transpired into a short wrestling match on the floor in which the second he pinned her down below him, he'd felt it. Maybe it was just his blood burning for battle …

He knew better than to simplify such a complex emotion the moment the sensation had begun to glow in his chest the last time she had laughed. Recently, she didn't laugh often. It was over such a stupid thing, too. And yet, the moment that tingling initiated in his stomach and he felt himself smiling with her, he realised something huge. He realised what this really was.

He was in love with her.

Next came figuring what he was going to do about this. He had started by carrying on as normal, but he no longer felt satisfied just seeing her by coincidence. He couldn't just sit around and do nothing at the barracks any more – he had to wander the streets and hope he caught her taking that monster of a pet for a walk. Even when he was winding her up as usual, something felt different between them after his realisation and he came to the conclusion that he needed to do something about it.

He was going to tell her.

The prospect excited him. She'd be utterly at a loss for words and he couldn't wait to see her stutter over her sentences in embarrassment. Or would she be angry? He was eager to find out and tease her some more whilst getting rid of his problem - two birds with one stone.

"Ah. What are you doing here, you damn sadist?" Kagura spoke, stirring him from his faults. She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes, reluctantly stepping away from the grave.

"I came to give danna a message."

"He's not here." Her expression fell again and Sougo walked through the misty air to her side.

"I know, I said I'm leaving him a message."

"What is it?" Her scowl darkened her face but he'd come to learn that it was a playful scowl without malice. That feeling began to stir within him once more. "Don't bother Gin-chan with your stupidity."

Okita chose to ignore her and turned towards the grave. He envisioned Gintoki sat there, blinking dead-fish eyes at them with a smirk teasing the corner of his mouth. For a brief moment, Okita's eyes softened. Kagura began to walk away, giving him solitude to speak to the grave but Okita caught her hand so she couldn't. He wanted her to hear this. This was as much for Gintoki as it was for her – and himself.

"Danna, don't you worry about a thing. We're doing fine over here. Finish up what you're doing without worrying. I'll take over for now." At this point, Okita turned to meet Kagura's large blue eyes and held eye contact. "I'll take over and look after this idiot, so just come back safe." Her eyes widened slightly and that feeling within him was burning now; he couldn't ignore it. "Hey you, China," he smirked. "Will you go out with me?" The hand in his jolted a little and the shock showed in her face. The silence stretched between them, fog beginning to thin out as the light of the sun broke through the clouds.

"Took you long enough to ask, you damn virgin sadist."

 **AN- first non-GinHiji one but I LOVE THIS PAIRING. I will be writing more because they're so great ...**


	5. Bless

One

Not GinHiji but you can imagine it that way if you want. Set in Yorozuya Eien Nare again so beware slight spoilers. Based upon the premise that Gintoki had never chosen to leave the Yorozuya when he realised what was happening to his body.

Rated T, but beware it's a bit depressing

* * *

 _ **Bless**_

Hijikata knew something was wrong from the moment he had entered the apartment. Scratch that, he knew it from the moment he had rapped loudly on Gintoki's door for one minute straight and no one had slung inanimate objects in his direction. There was silence, which would normally would indicate that the household owners were not present. It would, if the apartment wasn't so eerily _deserted_ – everything had been left in a freeze-frame, like the inhabitants had been sucked out of this realm without warning. Hijikata stepped inside the building, calling insults in hopes of rising the sugar addicted perm from wherever he hid. He paused in between removing his shoes as he noticed that all three pairs of the residences' shoes were neatly piled to one side. They should be here … but the uneasy, dragging silence save for the creaking of old wood under his feet whispered otherwise.

The churning of his gut, his battle hardened instinct, didn't agree with what his eyes were telling him. It was too quiet. Creepily so, making every draft of air, every creak of the floorboards resonate with his quickening heart rate. Upon entering the living room, it was also empty, cushions splayed haphazardly across the sofa and not in the usual neat fashion that Shinpachi liked to rearrange them into. The lights were still on and a little desk fan span at the end of its reach beside the sofa. In the kitchen there was some sort of pastry half rolled on the side, flour pattered across the surface beside a small dish of strawberry jam. Whatever cooking someone had been doing had abruptly ended, terminated by a necessity to attend to something more important.

 _They could have just gone out._ Hijikata thought, trying to calm the pessimistic thundering of blood in his ears. _Without their shoes. It's them, so anything could happen._

It _was_ them so anything _could_ happen.

His thoughts really weren't aiding his jagged nerves. Still, he called out once more to check they weren't hiding from him or something equally ridiculous. He was cut short, however, by a clattering and shouting sounding from downstairs. He was on his way to investigate pretty much instantly, casting only a quick glance into Gintoki's bedroom to find it was empty. And sporting a suspiciously _slept in_ sort of style. Slept in until recently.

Everything was unusual, nothing normal, and Hijikata was wondering whether to worry about the yorozuya, or worry about society for whatever they were up to.

It soon crashed down onto the former, as Hijikata entered Otose's snack bar to an environment where chaos seemed to reign high.

The first thing his eyes were drawn to was the staggering silver form of Gintoki, surrounded by a barrage of women holding him upright as his legs seemed to collapse from under him. They formed a frame of support for him, Otose grasping one arm, Kagura circling his hip and even Catherine was pushing his back upright. Hijikata realised quickly that Gintoki wasn't drunk, as much as his appearance suggested that. He was staggering to keep his feet on the ground and his arms kept reaching out to grasp something. Gintoki's back was to Hijikata, but he could see his head rolling forward in a daze. The faces of those around him were pictures of shock and panic. Otose spared only a fraction of time to look Hijikata's way, before helping to lower Gintoki's heavy form to the floor.

"GET OVER HERE AND HELP." She commanded, and despite the fact she wasn't looking at him, Hijikata knew who she was ordering about. He passed Shinpachi, who seemed to be on the phone, and took some of Gintoki's weight to support him to the ground. He managed to catch a glimpse of his face.

Something was most definitely wrong. And not healthy.

His eyes were open, blinking slowly as though trying to grasp what was going on, a look of muted confusion furrowing his brow. He was now fully laid out on the floor, Tama raising his legs onto the lowest rung of a bar stool as Otose and the others fussed around him. He wasn't wearing his white yukata, just his black signature under-shirt and trousers along with bare feet.

"Gin-chan! What's wrong?"

"Gintoki, can you hear us?"

"Sa-kah-tah-san!"

"What's going on?" Hijikata demanded information as his policing side began to take over. He was lacking key knowledge and that had always been something he hated. Maybe it was innate, maybe he had become this way after years of dealing with crimes and incidents. Either way, the lack of explanation he had for the fallen, limp body of such a strong, broad shouldered samurai set his stomach curling. That and the sense of dread consuming and clouding his thoughts.

"He looked like he was in pain," Kagura explained, tugging pathetically on Gintoki's sleeve. Now that the atmosphere had stagnated, he could hear the whispering gasps of Gintoki's erratic breathing. "And when we asked him, he began to stumble around like he was drunk."

"Gintoki," Otose tried again, waving a hand in front of the man's hazy eyes and receiving only a squint of concentration from him. His eyes didn't follow the hand, they looked past it wearily. He was trying though, trying to hold onto consciousness and reality.

"We managed to get him downstairs but he's only gotten worse. I've called an ambulance." Shinpachi continued Kagura's explanation, re-entering the scene and kneeling beside Gintoki.

"St-...d ba...k" came the choked wheeze from Gintoki. His chest rose sharply as he dragged in a shaky breath. "...ack."

"What?" Hijikata noticed something peeking out from underneath Gintoki's clothes, an unusual black spiral crawling up Gintoki's chest that could just be seen in his open collar. Immediately, he pulled down the material to expose a pulsating chain of dark purple letters. Some sort of curse or- "Enmi!" He gasped.

He'd done enough reading about the war and had experienced enough of it personally to recognise the mark of the curse. It crawled threateningly up Gintoki's chest, glowing like it was on fire and with every throb, Gintoki seemed to wince. He was whiter than his hair, which was also notably _not_ silver. The blue hue to it had drained out and his mop of permy silver hair was instead spider wisps of threads sticking to a clammy forehead.

"Get back," Hijikata commanded, forming a physical barricade between Gintoki and his friends. No one moved. Otose was the only one who spared him a questioning look. "It's a curse. Get back." Hijikata commanded once more, but it was clear from the glare Kagura sent him that this was not going to happen, not when Gintoki was writhing in pain on the floor beside them. Hijikata gritted his teeth. "Otose-san. Get the kids back or they'll catch it." Finally, common sense clicked into place and the adults of the group shuffled away, pulling a very reluctant Kagura with them.

Not a moment later, Hijikata was ripping away Gintoki's shirt to see the extent of the curse. He wasn't well versed in this sort of thing, but the pulsating mass of vines didn't look good. Suddenly he felt sick, light-headed and utterly _useless_. He had taken over from Otose in commanding the situation and yet what could he possibly do? Gintoki seemed to be tipping steadily into deep water, wheezing fragments of oxygen past a closed throat and scraping the floor with his fingernails.

"You must have known you had this, stupid idiot." He cursed, pulling his radio from the inside pocket on his jacket and barking down the line for a response. "Someone respond. This is an emergency."

"What's wrong with Gin-chan?" Kagura's voice had dampened into a quiet whine as she pulled on Gintoki's sleeve from a distance.

"-kata. Hijikata-san?" The radio buzzed in.

"Sougo. This in an emergency. Find me all the information you can about Enmi."

"Why? Have my curses work-ah, have you been cursed?"

"Hurry up! Yorozuya's in danger."

"On it." Sougo responded and the line quietened again.

"Curse? What's this about?" Otose demanded. She rested the back of her hand across Gintoki's forehead and instantly searched for something to warm him up. Tama scampered off to gather blankets and Hijikata felt Gintoki's cheek too. There seemed to be no heat in his skin. A slight shiver occasionally racked his body, but it was a weak and feeble attempt at heating up. He was soon wrapped tightly in Hijikata's jacket, followed by several blankets that had been behind the bar for drunken customers. Customers like Gintoki yesterday, when Hijikata had shared a drink with him in the calmness of normality.

Hijikata explained the curse as best he could, leaving out the data spinning round his head – _terminal. No cure. Less than one month to live._

Gintoki Sakata was two steps away from the River Styx. Hijikata's mouth was dry at the thought. How long had he known this idiot? Too long; not long enough. Someone who rarely took anything seriously and constantly searched for ways to wind him up was struggling to _breathe._ Was he going to die? Would that be it? The same guy who had snowboarded on the shogun and rode the commander of the Shinsengumi like an F1 car kept glancing his way with hazy eyes, confused. Hijikata tried to look reassuring, whatever the hell that looked like, but instead his face scrunched into a frown and he chewed his lip to stop that from showing. Just as they'd stopped arguing, this happened. Yesterday, they'd shared laughter and it had been fun and relaxing and Hijikata had even admitted he _liked_ the guy (at least to himself) because Gintoki had been smiling broadly and tapping his shoulder playfully and …

He must have known.

There's no way anyone could have the curse and not know. You were drained of energy when you contracted Enmi. A sort of numbness started at your fingertips and drained down into every extremity. Then your organs began to stutter to a halt; people were known to cough up blood, have trouble breathing, experience heart palpitations and there was just _no way_ he hadn't known. A surge of anger electrocuted Hijikata – Yorozuya had known and he'd done nothing about it. He'd played the strong man and carried on going and the worst thing was, he'd played the role so well that no one had noticed. His pain had been hidden behind a composed exterior, an opaque barrier. That was just the Yorozuya he knew. A man who was extremely open and readable but there was a huge barricade between this exterior and the things that really mattered that slept inside him.

Things that slept inside him like this curse.

Kagura was beginning to mumble now, sniffing back tears and reaching out once again to make contact with Gintoki. Gintoki's eyes were closing, then fluttering, then closing. Hijikata shook him probably more roughly than strictly healthy, shouting at him to stay conscious. His kids needed him. Shinpachi was biting his lip and his eyes were squeezed shut. This didn't look good at all – he didn't need to be a medical expert to see that.

The ambulance arrived before Sougo's report, but neither turned out to be very helpful when Gintoki was bordering on dying. The medics had no idea what to do. There was just so much wrong. Should they warm him up? Give him oxygen? Would antibiotics help? How did you even get rid of a virus like this? They rushed him to hospital but they were just as clueless as the rest of them.

Gintoki hadn't lasted the night. Hijikata had stayed with the small group until the early hours of the morning where they received the news huddled in the corridor outside his emergency room. There had been a lot of shouting, of crying and even some doors were broken as a grief-stricken Kagura fought to go see him. She didn't believe it. Otose was stunned into silence and even though she tried not to show it on her face, holding the kids close to her, when their faces where hidden in her chest Hijikata saw her pain. It was stark and maternal, her white face and … she looked as though she had lost her son. Hijikata couldn't stay for much longer. He bowed deeply in front of the emergency room, he felt he had to even though he didn't know why, then swiftly left. When Kondou turned up later, he met his eyes with an empathetic grimace because it must have been written all over his face. Sougo looked at him and the slow realisation was painful to watch. His lips parted and he whispered something. He ran through the ward and Hijikata didn't- couldn't follow. Kondou stayed by his side and he hadn't realised how much he needed someone here right now until a hand smoothed the small of his back comfortingly and a small hiss broke through his gritted teeth.

It was a hard night to swallow, but the following few weeks were the worst.

* * *

 **AN-**

 **Beware character death … too late.**

 **These recent few have been depressing, sorry … I need to write a few more fluffy ones. Too bad my mind is 90 percent darkness.**


	6. Words I Whisper Tonight

Rainy Nights 1

Rated K, a poem. Yeah.

Also GinHiji but you are free to imagine whomever. I promise the next time I write, it will be nice fluffy stuff and not all this darkness that seems to be flowing today

* * *

 **Words I Whisper Tonight**

I've never been one to lie or sweet talk, that you know.

You're ugly when you cry on nights you're feeling low.

Though it rarely happens - you're strong and I like that -

Some nights when you relax, _it_ appears like a rat.

Your fears and your past: they're still raw, I know.

But each time you shed a tear, I just wish that they'd go.

I can tell you fear them, those nights your control slips.

And each morning when you awaken, your confidence dips.

You're ugly when you cry, your face screwed in pain,

fingertips acting out memories and tears leaving stains.

I run my palm down your back and draw pictures along your spine

because now the pain is over; you're with me; you're fine.

You're ugly when you cry because I still don't understand.

I reassure you every night and you know that tears are banned.

But they never stop returning; it's like trying to stop the rain.

And no matter how hard I shelter you, you just won't let go of pain.


	7. To Drown Between the Clouds

Two

Part two of the depressing streak … again, kind of GinHiji but also maybe not. See what you wish.

Rated T but yeah, more darkness from my soul

* * *

 **To Drown Between the Clouds**

"Gin-chan!" Kagura fell into step beside me on the cobbled path. The sun was shining so strongly that the stones reflected bright white light into my eyes and I was squinting. I looked across to her and she was smiling that broad, idiotic grin that she could have only got from me.

"Gin-san, where are you going off to on your own?" Shinpachi appeared on my other side, chiding me playfully. "You aren't alone any more. We're the yorozuya."

I said nothing but felt the smile tug my lips. The warmth of the sun on my skin was pleasant and soothing and I felt myself relaxing, my footsteps slowing. Even my heartbeat calmed. They slowed with me and we ambled down the path with no real destination. We were just walking, together. The sky was clear of a single cloud and a soft breeze made the temperature bearable. It was a good day. My shoulders felt light because the haunting demons of the past, for once, didn't seem to matter. It was just so warm … a day for ice cream and laying in grass fields with nothing to do. The air was swimming with heat waves. My body was free of any feeling. It was like being a feather floating in the breeze.

Further down the path, a figure started to melt into view. I felt a bead of sweat run down my face from my hairline to my chin but it still wasn't unbearable; I was snoozing next to a log fire – that's the sort of temperature it was. The figure had his arms crossed and only half-turned to us. He was calling my name before his face had even come into focus.

"Gintoki," he said. I called out but was startled when no sound came from my throat. He didn't seem to notice, an uncharacteristic but not unknown smile directed towards us. "Gintoki," he said again and a shiver ran through me. The temperature dropped and dropped until tremors were racking my spine. I was freezing – why was it so cold? I couldn't stop myself shivering and even my breath was hitching. The sweat on my forehead was cold. Kagura and Shinpachi were no longer there. "Gintoki!" He wasn't talking to me. He was shouting. There was a panic in his voice that I hadn't picked up on before. Why hadn't I noticed it? He wasn't smiling any more.

And it wasn't warm any more.

Another drip of sweat ran down my cheek. And another. It was sticky and thick and I tried wiping it away with one arm but I was stuck. There was water up to my chest and I was sinking deeper into it. The cold encompassed my whole body as the water rose to drag my head under. I couldn't breathe properly and each intake of air choked me. I was choking and missed most breaths. I couldn't even lift my arms to swim to the surface.

"Gintoki!"

Hijikata was leaning over me, a wet sheen to his eyes. He patted my cheeks and I only knew he was doing so because I could see him. I didn't feel a thing. All I felt was cold and fatigue numbed my arms. The water was still in my vision, blurring his face above me. I had to touch him, that's all I could think, but as I reached up and up and up … I wasn't moving at all. Everything behind him was a dull black that I couldn't even attempt to focus on. Even he was flickering away from me now. More sweat trickled down my face and into my mouth. It tasted coppery.

"S-stay with me, Gintoki!" He was terrified of something. I had to reach out and touch him, ask him what was wrong. His hands moved down my cheek and neck and tapped my shoulders. He whined and it was then that I realised he was crying. He didn't cry – not ever – yet I could hear him faintly wheezing and moaning. His hair brushed my face as his head lowered onto my chest. I _had_ to touch him and this time the thought was so powerful that the message throbbed through my arm and I felt it react. Hijikata was above me again, saying words I could no longer hear and looking into my eyes. My hand lifted to touch his cheek and he stuttered to a halt, his whole body freezing. Tears ran out of his eyes and over my hand. My trembling fingertips ran down his skin, across his cheek bone and through his hair. He was saying my name again, I knew he was. Then his lips were on mine for a brief second. But I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel a thing.

My hand dropped and the world stilled. Everything slowed. Hijikata faded to black.

* * *

 **AN-**

 **Beware character death. Again.**


	8. Letters To You 1

Letters To You Series- 1

Again, Yorozuya Eien Nare. Part one of a series of character letters to Gintoki.

Rated K plus

* * *

 **Letters To You**

 _Dear Gin-chan,_

 _You're a perm-headed fool with more sugar in your veins than blood cells. You better get your ass back here and pay your goddamn rent before I start breaking things, starting with your Ketsuno Ana figurine. Then, your spine, yes? I thought we did everything together. I thought we were the yorozuya._

 _Things are boring without you. Shinpachi just nags and I have no-one to battle over the remote with. What are you going to do about this? I'm turning into a slob because I can watch all my favourite shows without you interfering. How are you going to compensate me if I put on weight? I'll never find a husband if I become twice as wide. The city has become weird; it's falling ill because you're not here. You were born to live in Edo and now you're missing, some plague has begun to spread. That's also your fault. You better hurry back; Mother didn't bring up a son like this, yes?_

 _They're talking about getting you a gravestone. I- … So get back soon or I'll be burying your sorry corps even if it's still screaming when I nail down the headstone. How dare you leave like this. We are the Yorozuya … yes?_

 _Without you, it's just me, Sadaharu and a pair of glasses._

 _Love,_

 _Ka-chan_

* * *

 _Dear Gin-san,_

 _HOW CAN YOU JUST LEAVE WITHOUT – uh oh. Nearly lost my cool. You're despicable, Gin-san, leaving your two apprentices without wages for so long and without letting us know when you'll return. You could have at least said something before leaving. Aneue is very angry at you – how is she going to fulfil her character purpose and restore the dojo if she has to pay for mine and Kagura's meals all the time? Kagura won't listen to me. She has gone off the rails a little. You were the only one who could convince her not to eat the bulk pack of sukonbu all in one go and now you aren't here, she has no restraint. It is honestly very tiring._

 _The Shinsengumi have begun an investigation into your disappearance. Hijikata-san seems to be leading it. At first, he didn't seem very interested and he was convinced you'd just gotten that drunk you had forgotten how to get home. Now, he has changed and is round at the apartment every few days to ask for updates. He says they need to keep track of former terrorist whereabouts but I do believe he is concerned for you – Kondou-san says so. Okita-san has also been visiting, much to Kagura's annoyance. He says he misses you and I'm not sure what activities you two used to do together, but he says he can't wait to resume them. It may be something to do with the fact that Hijikata has a few less black rims under his eyes, I suspect._

 _Otose is also very concerned for you. We spend most evenings with her and Kagura has started working some days in the bar with Tama-san and Catherine. I'm sure the stack of bottles building up behind the counter are saved for you because I noticed a few of your favourites in there. It has been so long since you disappeared, though. The authorities are moments from pronouncing you dead and though we know you're still alive somewhere, the pressure to prepare you a gravestone keeps coming up in conversation. Many people, your past clients, keep asking where they can pay their respects._

 _It's hard. You must return soon, Gin-san. There are many people waiting for you here._

 _Yours,_

 _Shimura Shinpachi_

* * *

 **AN- If you're enjoying these then please review! Rabbits die when they get lonely.**


	9. Words Mean A Lot

**Point Yoghurt Away From You When You Open It**

Rating - K

Characters - HijiGin, Kagura

Summary - just general fluff in the Yorozuya apartment as Hijikata visits Gintoki on one of his rare mornings off and Kagura is scavenging for food

 **Words Mean A Lot**

Hijikata knocked three times and waited. There was no response, which was irritating because the screams emanating through the door seemed to blatantly ignore their visitor. He knocked again, louder.

"OI, BRAT!" A man's freakishly loud squeal (Gintoki, of course) sounded. "THIS IS THEFT. GIVE IT BACK, YOU LITTLE TURD."

"IT DIDN'T HAVE YOUR NAME ON IT, STUPID PERM!" A young girl yelled back, aggressively (Kagura, no doubt). The sound of racing footsteps came closer and there was a clatter and a few yells. The vibrations faded further away again. Hijikata knocked with force, making the door rattle in its frame.

"OI, YOROZUYA!" He grunted. It was too early to be this damn frustrated.

"KAGURAAAAA!"

"GET OFF ME YOU SMELLY OLD MAN!"

"GIVE ME THE PARFAIT!"

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH," he planted his foot right through the paper, tearing his way into the apartment with red in his vision. "IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR VISITORS?" He bellowed upon breaking through and stopping Gintoki and Kagura mid-sprawl at the other end of the corridor. She had Gintoki's neck between two arms in a professional wrestling lock, whilst he squirmed uselessly on his stomach. He looked up, baffled.

"YOU'RE A POLICEMAN AREN'T YOU?!" Gintoki's attention immediately switched from the parfait Kagura was munching on to his new intruder. It was fair to say that the characters would continue speaking in caps lock for a while longer. "THIS IS BREAKING AND ENTERING! WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO REPORT THIS TO?!"

"YOU WOULDN'T LET ME IN!"

"THE DOOR WASN'T LOCKED, YOU DAMN MAYORA!- OI! KAGURA! GIMME THAT PARFAIT!"

To make a long story short, Kagura ate all the parfait while pinning Gintoki to the floor under her. Hijikata continued to yell at Gintoki, who didn't know which he was more upset about – his last parfait slowly fading out of existence or the cold air seeping through the new hole in his apartment. Five minutes later, he was pouting on the sofa laid on his stomach, face pressed into a cushion and legs kicking furiously in the air. It wasn't even midday yet and nothing seemed to be going his way. On the other hand, Hijikata had calmed down and was perched on the sink of Gintoki's back watching television. Each time he moved, a choked wheeze came from the big kid underneath. Kagura was whistling happily in the kitchen.

"Parfait, parfait~," she sang, earning herself a side glare from one grumpy adult.

Hijikata wriggled until Gintoki grunted, shoving one hand into the permy waves and ruffling it until his victim whined.

"Don't get so childish over a parfait," Hijikata chided, to which the reply he received was a forlorn sigh, muffled by the material of the cushion under his face. "I'll buy you another later." He practically saw the ears prick up at that. Gintoki adjusted his hands under him and pushed up with Hijikata still balanced precariously on his back, marvelling at the ridiculous strength of his boyfriend. For a guy who lazed about all day every day and ate his weight in sweets, he could do outstanding things. Hijikata dropped onto his feet as Gintoki sat up and clambered onto one side of the sofa so that he could sit next to him. Once he sunk into the sofa again, Gintoki shuffled closer and patted his head.

"Good boy," he cooed until Hijikata whacked him. "You got off work today, then?"

"Just 'fer the morning. Shinpachi not here yet?"

"He's still at home with his gorilla sibling and no doubt her gorilla stalker." He received another smack for that.

"Kondou-san is working hard this morning."  
"Sure, working hard trying to sneak past Otae's laser eyes."

"What about you? Not working?" Gintoki reached for the remote and flicked through channels until his favourite weather girl flashed onto the screen; he tittered contentedly.

"Not until this afternoon."

"What job?"

"Mmm …" came the half-hearted reply, and it was immediately obvious that he had removed himself from the conversation, totally transfixed on his celebrity crush. For that, Hijikata gave him another throbbing sore spot on his arm. "What?!"

"What. Job."

"Oh, ah." His eyes flickered to the ceiling as he hummed. "There's a carpenter who has injured his arm and he wants us to help him with the shop and a few jobs. Then this evening I'm working as Paako again." The snort of disapproval from Hijikata didn't go unnoticed, but it was ignored. "Ah! Kagura! Get out of the fridge!" He was on his feet immediately, Ketsuno Ana completely forgotten.

"You rotten man! You lied! There _is_ another packet!"

"Out, out, out!"

The two of them were wrestling again as she fought to munch on whatever was hidden at the back of the fridge and Gintoki dragged her away. The power balance was completely one sided though, and Gintoki kept getting whacked in the nose by one sharp elbow as she wriggled from his grasp. Eventually, with another whine, he gave up and slumped back over to the sofa. Hijikata let him drape himself over his lap where he continued to grumble about having to go shopping again even though they had no money.

"Such a child," Hijikata grunted; Gintoki rolled onto his back to glare up at him.

"If someone stole your last mayo bottle, how would you feel?" The resulting suffocating cushion over Gintoki's face gave him is answer. Kagura was still tottering around the kitchen when the cushion was removed half a minute of struggling later, revealing a flushed Gintoki panting for breath, eyebrows drawn into a scowl. Hijikata grinned. He liked this sight. Gintoki raised a curious eyebrow at this uncharacteristic gesture, but his attention, as always, was quickly diverted.

"You're not _still_ hungry, are you?! There's dog food in Sadaharu's bowl – chew on that, you glutton!"

"Die, you disgusting geezer," she yelled back. "I'm looking for a clean spoon."  
"Use your hands."

The cushion was pushed over his face again and Hijikata chuckled as Gintoki flailed unhappily. Hands reached up to grab at the cushion and unhappy whines vibrated in the fabric. When the material was removed, his face was sweaty and red once more. Hijikata checked over his shoulder that Kagura wasn't looking, before leaning forward to kiss the lips pouting in his lap. The noise faded out of Gintoki in their short contact. When he moved back, Gintoki was frowning again but with his lips twisted playfully between a smile and a scowl. They shared a few unsaid words through eye contact: an argument that wasn't voiced aloud.

"Daad~," Kagura called from the kitchen again. "Where does Shinpachi keep the spoons?!" She didn't seem to have noticed her mistake, but one look at Gintoki said _he_ had. There was a new flush to his face and wide eyes blinking in surprise. It was cute, Hijikata thought. Very cute. He was utterly baffled and for once, no words came out of the infantile maniac. "Gin-chan!" Kagura complained when she received no response.

"How would I know, idiot?!" Gintoki spluttered. "Do I look like a megane to you?!"

He sat up and leaned forward, hiding his rosy cheeks with his hands. When Hijikata giggled, Gintoki hit him.

It was then that Hijikata decided that today was a good day.

 **AN - As promised, happiness. No darkness. I supressed my soul this time. Thanks to all who have given feedback so far, mwah**


	10. The Covenant And The Womb

**Never Show The True Extent of Your Inner Fangirl**

Rating K

Characters Hijikata, Gintoki, not shipped unless you want them to be ;D

Summary: Because I really like the fact that Gintoki can't swim

 **The Covenant and The Womb**

"What are you doing, you annoying perm?!"

"Saving energy," Gintoki squawked, both arms wrapped firmly around Hijikata's shoulders, legs kicking furiously in the water.

"You're drowning me, get off!" With a few sharp kicks, Gintoki's hands came apart and he screamed loudly, flailing in the water, ironically like a fish out of it. Hijikata tried to pull himself through the dark, deep waves before the hands latched on again, but the desperate fingertips found their way round his neck. "Let go!"

"Gin-chan can't swim," Kagura called from where she somehow managed to gracefully doggy paddle along. "Mother usually brings arm bands for him when we go to the pool."

"You can't swim?" Hijikata scoffed. It was taking all his strength to tread water with Gintoki attached to his torso like a koala.

"I walk on land, why do I need to swim? Am I a fish? No!"

They bobbed slowly towards shore though they were still far from reaching it. Hijikata panted loudly and complained a lot, swear words punctuating each pull through the choppy waves. Since the boat had gone down in flames along with the lifeboats, they'd had to paddle ashore. Which hadn't been part of Gintoki's plan. The human armband reluctantly let his new attachment cling on, but he was one more wave over his head away from delivering a crushing elbow to the gut to dislodge the permed parasite. Sougo had managed to find a large plank of wood and he surfed efficiently alongside the breast-stroking Kondo, the frantically front-crawling Shinpachi and the still very much floating Kagura, even though she was doggy paddling.

"We need … hah … to give you lessons." Hijikata panted. "Why can't you latch onto one of your disciples?"

"Oh yeah, let me just glide on over. You just happened to be the nearest buoyant object."

"Why did you never feel it important to learn? I'm sure the Jouis have crossed a fair few torrent rivers. How did you manage that?"

"Zura swims like an otter."

"You and your terrorist friends." Hijikata cursed but Gintoki simply cackled ominously in reply (until he choked on sea water).

"We're all terrorists now!" he guffawed. "You Shinsengumi lot are no better than Zura any more."

"I'll drown you," the comment was stapled with a grunt as a wave of water slapped him in the face. Hijikata thought he heard Gintoki mutter something about karma, but his attention was diverted to the shoreline.

"I wonder if Kondo-san got away without trouble."

The night sky felt heavy above them, a thick coating of clouds hanging in the salty air, unfaltering under the strong winds that battered those of them below. The sea was swallowing them up but they struggled to stay afloat, gravity pulling them under the surging waves. Several times Hijikata choked on a mouthful of seaweed. Overall, the word Hijikata would use to describe the elements today was overpowering. And himself, helpless. He was determined to get Kondo back ... but at what cost?

The limpet on his back wriggled to adjust its grip.

"Where the hell are you touching?"

"Your hips! Your hips! Jeez! What are you, a high school girl on a train?!"

"You definitely touched something else."

"The water's dark. Sue me."

"If that was on purpose I'm drowning you right now."

"I'm telling you it wasn't. And good luck with getting out of here without the shiroyasha, mastermind of battle tactics."

"At the moment you're just a liability."

"Me, and not the vice commander who couldn't _command_ his troops?"

"Shut up."

"The lights are still out," Gintoki suddenly adopted a sombre tone. He was looking towards the prison walls where guards occasionally peered through shelters. "I'm sure that means things are going well for Zura and the Gorilla so far."

"How do you figure?"

"They will turn all the lights on as a signal when something is wrong."

"Do you escape from prisons often?"

"Only on weekends."

"Is that so? Suppose we've got a few things to lock you up for when this is all over."

"As long as I'm not in the cell next to you."

The conversation stopped but it was nowhere near silent – the strength of the wind and waves were too loud to call peaceful. The shore never seemed within grasp; they flailed in the tides, dark forces pulling them under. They pursued on, regardless.

 **AN - it's hard updating lots of fics regularly but I really like making new ones**

 **PS new anime season of Gintama wooop**


	11. The Child Of The Battlefield

**You Are What Your Mum Tells You**

Rating K

Characters Gintoki and Hijikata, some Sougo

Summary - Some monsters become that way because they are misunderstood and as such, they internalise the name given unto them. Thus, children can become demons. Hijikata stumbles upon one such child, a crow of the battlefield preying on corpses. Hijikata does not fear the bloodstained yukata he adorns, nor his red eyes. He's transparent, however, and that is just _a little_ terrifying.

* * *

 **The Child of the Battlefield**

The shivers wouldn't stop running down Hijikata's spine, his teeth jittery despite the warmth of the evening under the setting sun. It was a pleasant night, not a night for ghosts. Ghost liked cold nights where the full moon was hidden under a cloth of cloud, not warm nights like tonight. At least, that what he kept muttering to himself. He trod onwards at a snail's pace down between the remnants of a village. The village had been burned away, mostly, and what remained was charred black and crumbling. It had been a while since the fire had died, maybe a year in fact. Long enough so that the passing winds had built mounds of ash in corners of houses. There would be no ghosts tonight. He would find the damn tree, bring back the sword Harada had dropped earlier in the day and bring the damn thing back to that damn sadist without a sheen of sweat glazing his forehead.

Ghosts didn't exist anyway.

Whatever Harada had seen wasn't real, it couldn't be. It was probably a cat or something. A small child with silver hair? No, a dog, Harada. That's what it was. That's all it was. _He prayed._

" _I would go back and get your katana for you, Harada, but I injured my ankle playing Kabbadi with Yamazaki. I'm sure the vice commander will go look for you."_

Damn Sougo. And he couldn't say no, either, because that made him seem scared. After he had berated Harada for abandoning his sword, a samurai's soul, over seeing some scraggy white-haired dog … He had to go. But now he was bitterly wishing he'd have said no. This abandoned village upon the brink of nightfall was bad enough as it was. As he turned the final corner towards the tree which Harada had described, his fingernails dug deeper into his palms.

 _Grab it and run._ He thought, desperately.

His footsteps quickened, skittering across the dusty path, kicking up clouds of dirt into the air. There, the sword. He could see it shining at the foot of the -

That wasn't a sword shimmering. The very air seemed to bend in one spot beside the tree trunk. Hijikata froze, watching with wide eyes, heart pumping. The more he looked, the clearer the image became. The image of a young child nestled into the nook of the tree, white hair floating in the gentle evening breeze became bright in the dim light. The child looked at Hijikata with a plain expression. Hijikata was a few seconds away from fleeing, regardless of Harada's sword and Sougo's teasing. There was a GHOST. A GHOST.

What should he do? Would it get angry if he ignored it?

"H-hello. Good aftern-n- evening." The ghost looked kind of surprised, lifted one hand and casually began picking his nose. Bad start? Was that wrong? Was he about to be eternally cursed? Maybe he should explain why he was here. "I just came to pick up that k-k-k-k-atana. If you don't mind. Sorry." The child shrugged. It could be that the kid didn't care. Or maybe he was being annoying. Either way, grab the damn sword and leave. He shuffled forwards and the ghost made no move to stop him. The sword was only five paces from Hijikata … but two paces from the child's ethereal glow. The situation worsened significantly when Hijikata tripped over thin air and fell majestically onto his face.

" _Pfft."_

The ghost child had just laughed at him. Hijikata flared as red as the line of blood dripping from one battered nostril.

"What a clutz." Hijikata scrubbed at his face, rolling onto his elbows which brought him near enough face to face with the child ghost.

" … Are you a cursing-type ghost?" Hijikata didn't know where he got the bravery from. Perhaps it was the smirk on the child's face which so eerily mimicked Sougo's.

"What are you on about? I'm not a ghost. I'm waiting for someone." The child replied, scratching his nose with one finger and staring off into the distance. He was very much transparent - Hijikata could see the ridges in the bark of the tree through the silver mist. He was certain that the child wasn't human despite what he said.

"Waiting for who?" He asked, curiosity overpowering fear. This ghost didn't seem vicious. In fact, the heavy air around this area was choking Hijikata with sadness. It wasn't him, it was definitely something about this place that tugged at his chest. For some reason he felt like crying. He was sure that the ghost was having some sort of effect on him. The child was frowning, however, oblivious to the curling fog around him sticking to Hijikata's throat.

"I don't know." The child replied forlornly, and subsequently vanished. The image of distress had imprinted itself on Hijikata's retinas.

…

It was three days before Hijikata mustered the courage to return. Harada's sword had been retrieved so there was no reason for him to go back, just burning hot curiosity. One of his evening walks had taken him there to the foot of the tree. And once more, the child was nestled in amongst a thick mist. He felt his eyes begin to water again and old memories hidden at the back of his mind were bubbling up. The darkness surrounding this child was infectious – and he had to know why.

"If you're not a ghost, what are you?" The child looked across, apparently having not noticed Hijikata approach. He shrugged.

"I'm waiting for someone." He repeated. "Who the heck are you?"

"You met me a few days ago, don't you remember?"

"I'm pretty sure I'd remember your shitty face."

"Oi-!" He barely refrained from snapping at the child. What helped was the sobering fog which swelled to swallow him whole. All of a sudden his eyes were burning. He felt sick but not ill, nervous. Worried. Of what? Of being alone. Hijikata had to stumble backwards out of the misty air and gasp in fresh oxygen to bring him back to normal. The child drew his knees up to his chest and set about staring into the horizon again.

"What is this mist?" Hijikata coughed, but the mist enveloped the child in thick smoke and once more, he vanished.

No matter how many times Hijikata returned to that spot, the same events repeated over and over again. The child would be sat under the tree, staring off into the distance with a wistful expression. When interrogated, he would reply very little other than, "I'm waiting for someone" but he had no recollection who. Then, after several minutes, the ghost would dissipate into fog until there remained less than a shadow on the ground. Intrigued and oddly attached to the story behind this child, Hijikata asked around. There were barely any survivors in the village, but it became apparent once they found someone willing to talk that the ghost child was pretty infamous. As the tale began to unfold, it seemed the ghost was of a child of the battlefield, an orphan who became a monster. He was known as the white demon, a scavenger of corpses, bloodstained yukata with barely the ability to understand speech, let alone talk. A feral creature. A demon.

Eventually, the child had died. His corpse was found where it belonged – the battlefield. Starvation or disease had taken the child's life and the crows had pecked dry his body, karma coming back around. Now he haunted the village, appearing beneath the shade of a tree, waiting for someone. The villagers didn't know who. They stayed as far from the area as possible, only passing by to throw charms by the foot of the tree in hopes of warding away the demon. However, Hijikata returned immediately to the tree, certain he knew who the child was searching for.

Or, more specifically, _what_.

"Hey kid," he called. Little red eyes glanced over with exactly the same vacant expression as their first meeting. "Come with me," he announced.

"Who are you?"

"It doesn't matter, because today you're going home with me, little demon." Hijikata forced steady his beating heart, unclenched his fists and opened his palm towards the child. "Let's go home." The child was dumbstruck. His mouth opened and closed like a goldfish, his brain fumbling for a response. "What's your name?" The mist was retreating. It melted back towards the child, taking with it the strange sadness that clouded the air.

"I don't have one," the child said, getting to his feet and though Hijikata could see straight through him, suddenly he wasn't afraid. There was one word flashing in his head, a name, and somehow he knew all these strange forces and phenomenons were correcting themselves, slotting into place.

"Gintoki," Hijikata said. "From now on, you're Gintoki."

The child's tiny hand slotted into Hijikata's. A smile crept onto the child's face and his eyes were shimmering. A second later, he disappeared.

This time, for good. He had finally found what he was waiting for.

* * *

AN- If anyone is waiting for CKUT, it's on its way! Also the Gintama fic next chap is being written. Patience, my friends. I have a lot of fics to catch up on T_T


	12. Hourglass

**As They Say In the Kitchen: If You're Looking, It Ain't Cooking**

Rating K

Characters – Future Kagura x Okita, Gintoki even though he doesn't actually appear

Summary – Waiting is as draining as it is painful and Kagura, who used to be so full of energy, is weighed down by waiting for two of the most important people in her life. As things have been tipped upside down, she waits for the hourglass to right itself again.

* * *

 **Hourglass**

Waiting was an incredibly irritating thing. It was wearing her down, tiring her out. It was a downwards spiral, a cumulating flutter of butterflies in the chest and stomach. The tightness across the heart in anxiety that just couldn't be eased with steady breathing. And the more she thought about breathing slowly, the less she knew what normal breathing was; the more her heart quickened with nervousness. Her fingers felt that kind of weak jitter that made normal tasks feel rushed and abnormal. Distractions were proving stressful too, because she was waiting for the door to knock or the phone to ring and what if she missed it? She couldn't listen to music, watch TV or even go to the toilet because what if she missed it?

All the while, her thoughts were ridiculous, liquid thoughts sloshing around her head, unable to settle. She perched somewhere between the door and the phone, glancing for a shadow, listening for a ring. Maybe she should check that the phone was plugged in. Sometimes Sadaharu would clumsily kick it out. It would give her something to do anyway; she had been sat there an hour now.

11am, he had said. It was 12:42 with only so many seconds to go until 12:43 would tick over and still the room was as silent as the phone. By 11, she would have heard from him, or so he had said. They returned from a month long, arduous mission with a ridiculously high risk this morning – at least, they should have – very early, before even the birds had begun their morning call. _By eleven o'clock, I'll call you. I promise._

He had said it in such sombre tones that a seed of worry had implanted in her stomach and had only grown over the past week. He was usually so lazy, so relaxed - never serious. He wouldn't promise her anything, he'd just stick out his tongue or grin sadistically. And yet he had said _I promise_ without so much as a smirk … so she knew that there was a very real chance that he may never return.

 _Shut up._

 _Shut up, shut up, shut up._

No, him saying that wasn't an ominous foreshadow: it was a sign that their relationship was changing. He was caring more, that was all. That was everything. Ever since humanity had either fallen or fled, ever since that day when Gintoki Sakata had disappeared, he had steadily increased the minutes by her side. He would assure her in his own indirect way, seek comfort with her when things were also stressful on his side. He was serious now. The fun was over. The times where they'd battle and whine over silly things were in past tense, where they would forever lay memories. They couldn't smile the same in a world so barren, cruel and empty of the ones they loved. Him saying _I promise_ meant don't worry, I'll come back. I won't leave you like he did. You won't be alone.

12:54.

She didn't have a number to ring him on, after all the Shinsengumi didn't exist any more - they had no place to return to but that didn't matter. They still had their commander and that was everything. So she just had to wait for him to call.

The morning had passed now; it was gone. The silence dragged in the apartment she rarely stayed in any more. She hadn't even switched on the lights. Sunlight filtered through the window which never ended up with blinds, despite Gintoki saying he would eventually get some. She sat beside the sofa, not on it, because that was where _he_ sat. It was where she'd find him passed out drunk or reading JUMP. It was where he'd return to some day.

Sadaharu wasn't in. She didn't know where he was, just that they'd meet up later on in the day as usual. She rarely saw Shinpachi any more. The only person that regularly paid her a visit was Okita Sougo.

And it was 13:08 and he should have called.

 _Brring ...brri-_

She couldn't pick up fast enough.

"Hello, Yorozuya de aru."

"Ah, Kagura-san?"

"... Yamazaki? What are you ringing me for?"A sarcastic retort wouldn't even come to her. Why on earth would he be ringing instead of - …

"Ah, it's just … Captain Okita said to ring you."

" … huh?"

"He can't ring you himself, he got injured in the raid and we're treating him at the moment. He wouldn't settle down until I called you."

"I see …"

"He said he'll come see you and to just wait."

" … "

"Well, bye bye."

"Uhn …"

 _Just to wait,_ he said. But Kagura was fed up of waiting.

…

He came to, rather than woke up. His body still didn't feel like his own, his hands were numb and there was a sort of tingle in his toes that felt foreign to him. He felt drugged too, which probably wasn't far wrong. He guessed the numbness was covering for some sort of agonising pain that was waiting to flare up the moment he paid it any attention. The longer he ignored it, the better, he decided. Still, when he opened his eyes the room was dim and that wasn't entirely due to the lack of light. Objects took a while to focus and he really, really didn't want to sit up right now.

"You said you'd call at eleven," a voice split the silence from close by. He jolted upright immediately and ahh yes, it did hurt. A lot.

"What are you ..." Kagura knelt by his side. He was sat on a futon laid out on the floor of the old temple the Shinsengumi had been using as a base. When her figure finally cleared in his eyes, he could tell she wasn't in a good mood.

"They let me in. Well, they couldn't have stopped me anyway."

"Couldn't you leave it until I came to see you?"

"I wanted to be there to see the death of the sadist. Too bad."

"What a shame, I'm still kicking. And before you ask, I didn't find anything."

She had no reply for that. It had been the same story every time he had gone away, and similarly when she herself had gone looking for signs of Sakata Gintoki, she hadn't found even a drop of strawberry milk. At this point, she suspected nothing different. He was a grain of sugar in a bag of salt. And moreover, when he wanted to disappear, she knew from experience that he could melt away so easily. The question was, why?

Okita noticed the darkness in her eyes cloud over again, but as always there was nothing he could do about it. He simply could not replace that man, though he didn't want to.

"Did you have a good holiday?"

"It wasn't a holiday, we were investigating - … whatever, yeah. It was a good holiday."

"I can't believe you let yourself get this beat up though," she bared her teeth in a sadistic grin. He scowled back at her. He could certainly feel the dried blood crusting and rubbing against his skin. It had been patched up with a bandage but that would need changing soon – it was more of a reddish brown now than white.

"I had a surfing accident with a shark." He muttered, gently easing himself back onto the futon. It wasn't such a good idea to be moving around for a while. Daggers could stab deep, it turned out. "Anyway, what's this I hear about a 'Gura-san'. What sort of a name is that? Should I start calling you Ray Band?"

"Just lay down. I'm tired of joking around." Kagura replied, and even the darkness of the room couldn't hide the dark shades under her eyes and her pale complexion. He wanted to ask her if she had been eating right, if she had stopped sitting in front of Gintoki's grave on cold days … but he didn't feel he could. The answers were right there, anyway.

The quiet _shiik_ of the door sliding open broke the stale air that was choking the room. Hijikata Toshiro was surprised to see Kagura sat there, but not so much so that he questioned it.

"So this is the monster that took down our men guarding the entrance." Her mouth remained closed, void of any quick retort. She looked beaten, but then, what was new? Hijikata had grown used to a more mature and silent Kagura. After all, she had spent enough time crying and yelling in an empty city. She couldn't do that forever and this is where her grieving had brought her. He didn't know much about human psychology but he sometimes wondered if Sougo had become Gintoki's replacement. She needed someone to fill that massive, destructive gap within her and this had just accelerated her relationship with Sougo at a rate they couldn't cherish. If all this hadn't have happened, they'd probably still be poisoning each other's snacks. Though, he wasn't exactly any expert in love himself.

"If you're here then you can do it." He laid the first aid box and hot water bowl beside Kagura, turning to leave.

"What makes you think I want to touch this dirty sadist? He can lie there and rot for all I care."

"The fact that you're sat here means something, right?" Hijikata replied. He hadn't meant to encroach on that territory and from the look in her eyes, she hadn't expected it either. Once more, she fell silent and brought her knees into her chest. A few seconds later, there were only two in the room again. Okita was the one to break the silence.

"Erw, gross, she likes me," he mocked, and though he played the part well, his heart wasn't in the teasing. They were just both so _tired_ , so fed up of all this and every advancement Okita made to get things back to how they were just reminded him that so much had changed irreversibly. Each time he searched for Sakata Gintoki, he realised that the person who had brought Kagura and him together was now driving a wedge between them because Kagura couldn't be happy until he was back by her side. Until the yorozuya was reinstated, she felt that she had to be in a constant mood of mourning. She had to search for him until he was found – alive, or … else.

"Kagura ..." Okita began, hesitantly. He was hesitant to say it, but he had thought it through. He had to say it. "The shinsengumi are leaving here." Her head shot up and she looked surprised. "Something happened to our commander and … with the world like this, there isn't a place for a police force. So I want you to stop coming here. And I want to stop seeing you."

" … 'kay …"

"I'm going to keep searching for danna and when he's found, I'll bring him to you."

"Mm."

" Once the yorozuya and the shinsengumi are complete again, I'll come see you." She gave a small nod.

After that Kagura left, as she was asked. And she did not return. They did not meet, even though Okita came back to Edo more times than he really should have. It was a long time into the future that they were reunited and though the two conditions had been met, Sakata Gintoki hadn't been found. The yorozuya had adopted another droopy eyed, laid back and quick-witted fool to fill the gap, whilst the shinsengumi had rescued their commander and broadened their group by uniting with the joui. And it was also at that time that Okita saw Kagura smile again, laugh again. They felt one step away from finding Gintoki and subsequently unravelling the mystery of the virus. Things were brightening up, the skies were opening and dark greys became shimmering silvers. The scales were righting themselves steadily, and it was only a matter of time before Okita would return to Kagura and offer her his hand.

And the electric shock button concealed within it.

* * *

 **AN-**

For those who follow my stories - I am about 25 percent into the next Trusting in Your Betrayal chapter guys, yey! And about 85% of CKUT is done. I haven't started the last chapter of WHDTY, still planning it all out. There was a time long ago when I used to be ahead of all updates … lol. But anyway, not much longer to wait for you all, hopefully! Thanks for all of your love and attention up until now.


	13. Interlocking Fingertips

**There is Nothing Riskier Than Putting Your iPod on Shuffle in Public**

Rating K

Characters Gintoki and Hijikata

Summary - an alternative to Into Your Silver Core, as requested-ish by a guest. Where does Hijikata end up this time? From a cold heart to a warm one, along a timeline that extends from sword flashes to interlocking fingertips.

* * *

 **Interlocking Fingertips**

"Why can't we ever just walk straight to a bar?" Hijikata complained, whacking Gintoki and sending his permy head jolting forward with an _oft!_ "Why do we always gotta 'nip in' somewhere?"

"Stop complaining, it's on the way." Gintoki rubbed his head with a pout.

"It's in the complete opposite direction of town."

"Pft, details." He shrugged.

Gintoki had been pouting for a while. They had argued early that morning and he still hadn't quite forgiven Hijikata. In fact, Hijikata was surprised that he had agreed to come out tonight. They went out every Wednesday as an unsaid rule, because it was the day that Hijikata finished patrols early and he didn't have to go in the next morning. That meant he could spend the night … wherever. Not that he was after _that_ , he would adamantly insist when Gintoki teased. Though, it was how most nights ended – Hijikata at Gintoki's apartment, that is. The kids also slept at Otae's on Wednesday by default nowadays.

Gintoki sent a few stones skittering with a huff and a flick of his boot.

"Stop pouting or I'm leaving," Hijikata blew smoke into Gintoki's face until he whined and scratched at the air, muttering curses. They finally rounded the corner to Gengai's and Gintoki adjusted his grip on the TV set in his arms. The old man had seen them and immediately turned away, mining his nose for something more interesting to look at.

"Oi! Old man! Don't ignore me!" Gintoki yelled.

The item that needed to be fixed was reluctantly examined and Hijikata began to fiddle with the table of half-fixed machines just inside the entrance. Gintoki chatted away as was usual, and Gengai supplied distracted grunts in reply as he unscrewed the back of the television. They debated the price, then argued, then fought. Gintoki was complaining animatedly and showing the old man his near-empty wallet. Hijikata immediately avoided looking their way before he became Gintoki's personal bank account. Again.

It looked like he would be a while and not the 'five minutes' he had promised. Though, it was always this way. That's what you got when you dated someone so chatty. Despite his talkative nature, Hijikata recalled the few times he had seen Gintoki down. At those rare times, not a word could be squeezed out of him. Once or twice Hijikata had awoken to Gintoki in this state sat up beside him. He figured that Gintoki hadn't slept well. He tried to talk him out of it but the latter wasn't responding. He gave grunts and shakes of his head. Yes, he was all right. No, he didn't need anything. Yes, he'd go back to sleep soon. Hijikata had always expected Gintoki to be quite brazen and loud even when he was upset or angry. It transpired that he became the opposite. Instead of screaming and wailing, as he usually would, Gintoki would go quiet – an eerie contrast.

It wasn't often Hijikata was able to see that side of him, which he was both thankful for and bothered by. He never discussed what he was thinking and wouldn't seek out help when he was like that. He clammed up, lips tightly shut, heart closed off to the world. The more time Hijikata spent with him, the more he wanted to jam it open and free him from the demons that haunted him. He was always reminded of himself in these moments because they were alike in that they kept their fears to themselves and there were always little monsters hiding in the back of their consciousnesses which remained concealed. Hijikata only differed in that he would cover up for his monsters, carry on like they weren't there, but for Gintoki, the whole world seemed to stop.

"A week?!" Gintoki screeched Hijikata out of his monologue.

"I've got a lot of work on my hands, Ginnoji!"

"That means I have to miss out on a week of Ketsuno Ana?!" Gintoki wailed. Hijikata let out a disapproving snort from his nose.

Hijikata drowned out the noise again and started flicking a few switches on the dead equipment before him. There was a metal disfigurement on the table, opened up like a dead carcass with its insides spilled everywhere. He thumbed the buttons absent mindedly, until a sudden jolt ran though his fingers. Hijikata looked at his hands in surprise, feeling the buzz melt away slowly.

 _Shit, must have still been connected._ He mused. _That was close. Could'a electrocuted myself._

A second after the buzzing died out, a kick of energy exploded in Hijikata's being. He muttered something akin to 'oh shit' as he watched his fingertips disappear into tiny sparkles. _Here it is,_ he thought in his last moments of reality, at least _one stupid thing always happens when I'm with this moron._

The gentle fuzzing of his whole body was actually rather pleasant. The screeching whine, not so much. Hijikata had never imagined what being electrocuted would feel like but right now he expected this was it, except for some reason it didn't hurt. He looked up to see Gintoki because hey, it might even be the last time, and the perm was just standing there with one eyebrow raised. A pretty mild expression when Hijikata was literally disappearing. And with that said …

He vanished.

It wasn't for long though, or at least, it didn't feel like long until the world appeared before him again in a flash. He was back in Gintoki's apartment and he must have feinted and been brought here. In fact, he must have been out for a while since the sunrise was filtering through the open window of the yorozuya. The TV set, Hijikata noticed, was a completely new one – a bigger screen, quite futuristic. So he decided that his wallet must have been pilfered somewhere along the line. He couldn't remember standing up but there he was, so it must have happened.

A groggy moan erupted from Gintoki's room as the morning demon arose. There was a pattering of feet and the door slid open. Red eyes glared at him for several, long seconds.

"Hmmphh... Ah!" recognition lit up his face, "You're back! Almost didn't recognise you with that hair. Takes me back a few years." Hijikata raised both eyebrows but Gintoki didn't notice, shuffling for the fridge for his morning parfait as usual. Hijikata hated the fact that he could call something like that 'usual'.

"What do you mean?" He frowned. Gintoki scratched his head looking at the empty expanse of the fridge before him. Hijikata noticed Gintoki's own hair looked longer and was tied up. Tied up? This was new. With a grunt, the door was closed again as Gintoki scoured the kitchen for another food source. The back of the fridge door was littered with pictures that Hijikata had never seen before – pictures of the two of them, some of the kids and even the shinsengumi. "What the hell are those doing on there?!"

"I thought we had argued enough about those," Gintoki moaned, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "I like them, they're staying. Stop being a spoil sport, Tosshi."

"T-t-!" Hijikata flared red.

"You even put your damn pictures of that ugly stalker gorilla on so don't complain." He continued, seemingly ignorant to the state of shock he had put Hijikata in. It's not like he hadn't ever considered Gintoki calling him by something else – somewhere along the line, they had to stop it with the 'demon commander' and 'yorozuya' routine. But this was so sudden and so … intimate. He wondered if Gintoki had even realised that he had said it aloud.

"What happened at Gengai's?" Hijikata asked, deciding to pretend like it had never happened.

"Hm? What?" Distractedly, he munched on a biscuit he'd withdrawn from some hidden jar.

"How long was I out?"

"What are you talking about? Like three weeks. I wasn't expecting you home until next Thursday." _H-home?!_ "Did you come back to show off your new haircut? I thought you were growing it out."

" … Yorozuya, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Y-yorozuya?!" Gintoki shivered. "How distant! What's up with you?! What have I done now?!"

"This ..." Hijikata could feel a headache coming on. This wasn't anything out of the ordinary, spending time with Gintoki, but he couldn't even keep track of this conversation. Was he dreaming? This all felt too real, though. The room had changed ever so slightly, and even Gintoki. His hair was definitely longer and there was a crease around his eyes that hadn't been there before. He looked _older_. Not old, but …

"Are you stressed?" Gintoki cocked his head to one side, lowering his voice to a soft murmur – one that made Hijikata's neck tingle, hairs standing on end. The word _intimate_ throbbed around his head again. Gintoki was acting strange. As he walked towards Hijikata, he didn't take his eyes off him and he was locked into those red eyes again. "Trip didn't go well?"

"A-ah," he was stammering, a hand weaved its way into his hair, another around his waist. _Intimate_.

"Maybe you should rest, hm?" Gintoki whispered into his ear, nuzzling his neck and _oh my god._

Hijikata drew back, pushing Gintoki away. This was too close, something was wrong.

"Have you been d-drinking?" There he went again, stumbling over his words. Gintoki would catch onto that straight away.

"At this time?! Not even I'm that bad." Gintoki stepped forwards; Hijikata crept away again. "What's wrong? What are you hiding from me?" He jolted, never meeting Gintoki's eyes because g _od,_ the man just wouldn't look away.

"I could ask you the same thing! What's gotten into you?"

"Eh?"

"You're acting strange!"

"What?! Me? How so?! Arghh, we're just going round in circles. C'mere." Suddenly he was pulled into Gintoki's broad chest, listening to the gentle beating of his heart. Arms wrapped around him and though his own heart was pounding in his ears … this was nice. Especially the way Gintoki breathed him in. A hand rubbed circles down his spine, undoing years of stress that had accumulated there. He began to breathe slower, the gentleness lulling him into a quiet place. They stayed like that for a while, tension oozing out of Hijikata and the longer he stayed there, the nicer it felt. Like sleeping next to a warm fire. This was a big jump for them, even if this was a dream, but it was a pleasant one. And something he wasn't about to reject. Maybe it had been a long time coming.

It was at this point that Hijikata began to feel a familiar warm buzz.

"Sure there's nothing to tell me?" Gintoki asked, now working his fingers into his lower back, sending off waves of pleasure and all he wanted to do was rest there in his man's arms.

"Mmmph." He couldn't form a coherent reply – he couldn't be bothered. Gintoki chuckled and it was such a great feeling, the vibrations tickling his ear. He opened his eyes wearily and eyed up the photos on the fridge. He didn't recognise any of them. When had they been taken? There was one of Hijikata and Gintoki together and he had shoulder length hair - … what?

"Kagura comes back to earth in a few days." Shoulder length hair? His hair had been short since way before he had met Gintoki. Wait, Kagura wasn't on earth? "I moved your things out of the cupboard so she can sleep in there again." His things? In Gintoki's apartment? The buzzing began to accelerate and his fingertips were numb. He pushed Gintoki away.

"Thought you were being oddly obedient." Gintoki grumbled, heading over to the sofa and flopping onto it. Hijikata remembered the electric feeling from earlier, when he had been in Gengai's. It was starting up again, the whine drowning out Gintoki's irritated pouting. He looked down at his fizzling fingers, or what remained of them. He was vanishing – again. Which was an odd thing to say once, never mind twice. "Ah, Otae told me to remind you that it's Shinpachi's 21st on Saturday. After how close you two have been, she expects you to do something I think."

"Eh?"

"Don't 'eh' me, 'eh' her!" Gintoki switched on the TV. Hijikata's legs turned transparent. Gintoki looked over at him, confused by the silence. "Eh?!" He yelled, just before Hijikata disappeared.

A second later (or even less, it was hard to tell when it felt like your brain was being fried) Gintoki was frowning at him again but from across the room. In Gengai's place.

"What's up, Mr Policeman?"

"My legs ..."

"Hm?"

"They're back. My legs are back."

" … Do you … need to sit down?"

"Maybe." Hijikata nodded. He noticed there was a warmth in his chest that was missing. A flutter of expectation when he looked up at ... "Definitely." He said. "Probably for a while."

This feeling didn't seem like it would settle soon.

* * *

 **AN- I know I keep saying this but both CKUT and TIYB are on their way. I keep updating here after sitting down for an hour and exhausting my creativity on those. I don't want to update short chapters though, so have patience!**

 **Hope you enjoyed again! Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	14. An Ocean Amongst Flame

**Idiots Don't Catch Colds And This Got So Close To Being NSFW**

Rating T

Characters - GinHiji

Summary: I never thought I would jump on this bandwagon

* * *

 **An Ocean Amongst Flame**

He couldn't see his reflection, and that was certainly … odd. Gintoki waved, jumped, smashed the god-damn mirror because it hadn't served its one and only purpose. He had raced home from buying JUMP because usually, you know, when you're out and about, you catch glimpses of yourself walking by. But he had gradually noticed (with several double takes and a triple take) that he wasn't _there_. He checked for hidden cameras and ran past every shop, staring with a gaping expression (or so he expected because hell, how would he know?) through at shop windows. Nope nope nope. This wasn't happening. It was the not-so-sweet topping to end a week of disastrous oddities.

First, people wouldn't stop asking him if he was okay. Well, better put and closer to the truth, they wouldn't stop telling him to go away in case they caught whatever he had. His pallor had turned a pasty white, like chalk, but he felt fine. A little cold to the touch, but fine. He wondered if he was coming down with something, but apparently 'idiots didn't catch colds'. That offered him little comfort. Honestly though, maybe he was just suffering from sugar withdrawals because he didn't even have a sniffle.

Until the next day, where he had suffered his first ever allergic reaction. Eating pasta? Of all things? Shinpachi had made the meal and Gintoki even wondered if Otae's genes had infected him because even the smell of the tomatoey sauce was making him gag. He chomped it down because he was damn near starving (nothing he was eating had been filling his stomach recently) but the whole thing came straight back up with a rash as an added bonus. He just really needed a drink.

Except that no amount of alcohol had taken the edge off. Hasegawa was floating between drunk and dead and Gintoki, on twice the liquid, hadn't even lost _one_ of his marbles. The room was standing perfectly still for him and downing cups of sake was like drinking pints of water. It went straight in, straight out. Eventually, he called it a day and decided he must have evolved into a superhuman. The constant exposure to alcohol in him had caused his liver to undergo natural selection and unfortunately that meant sacrificing his intolerance for alcohol. Or maybe he was so drunk he didn't even realise. He was in his own drunk dream world while in reality, he teetered on the edge of a barstool. He was monologuing nonsense, so maybe this was true.

Trying to get to sleep that night had been impossible and it was about 6am when he finally felt fatigued. This must have messed up his biological clock because he found himself buzzing on a high during the night and dragging himself from job to job during the day with this searing headache under the sunlight that just wouldn't pass with paracetamol.

He really must be coming down with something.

The alarm clock sounded one morning and he hit the button in half a second – he was already awake anyway. He had been the entire night and this insomnia had him feeling sick to the pit of his stomach on mere hours of sleep each day. For sure though, he'd be close to dropping off by 10 o'clock even though he had been trembling with energy all night. He wasn't sure if it was to do with Kagura's ridiculously loud snoring, either. Was his hearing getting better, or was she sleeping with an elephant these days? Who knew. All he was aware of was the painfully loud screech of breath in his ears, in out, in out, in out … All. Night.

He broke a lot of things the next day. He grasped the door handle with one hand and tore the whole thing off leaving him locked in the bathroom whining at Kagura to help. He tossed a pen over to his desk and the thing careered like a javelin straight through the window. The _closed_ window. He blamed his sleeplessness. What else could he blame? Maybe he was just cursed by a malicious spirit. He really hoped that wasn't the case. But things broke that weren't related to his physical force, and he couldn't put that down to tiredness. Watches, alarm clocks, the TV, they all made a sharp crackle at his touch and ceased to function. Gengai had been bombarded with all sorts over the past week and Gintoki had long since ran out of favours.

Losing his reflection was the last straw.

"K-k-k-k-kagura?" a sharp whine sounded from his lips.

"What's wrong, old man?" She slid open his bedroom door and began to frown at the scene before her. "Seven years of bad luck if you break one of those. Did you look into it?"

"I did but mirror mirror on the wall, _where the hell am I_?" He lifted one of the shards and pointed into it at his, or lack of, reflection.

"Existential crisis?" She scratched her head.

"It's one hell of an existential crisis!" Gintoki screeched. "I'm not _there_!"

Kagura just gave him a look and cast a half-hearted remark over her shoulder as she went back to petting Sadaharu, "it's probably better that way."

Just then, Gintoki stopped short. The sweetest aroma drifted into his nostril. He turned his head like a dog to better pick up on where it was coming from, but he could tell that he was far away from the source. The smell was better than a chocolate and strawberry parfait and damn … he couldn't get enough of it. It gave him a buzz, an electric pulse in his fingertips bringing him to his feet, all thoughts of the mirror had vanished. His blood was rushing through his veins, empowering him. He vaguely heard the sound of Shinpachi's footsteps padding up the stairway outside to their front door, and the soft _shiik_ of it opening for him, but he was completely distracted by _that_ smell. The draft of air pulled through the doorway brought with it a stronger tinge of the scent. He was up and out of the apartment lightning quick, so fast that if he had stopped to think about it, he would have even called it inhuman.

"Eh, was that Gin-san?" Shinpachi asked as a flash of silver bolted past him and vanished.

"He's having a crisis." Kagura said, waving her hand dismissively.

"Eh?"

Damn, he was aroused by the taste in his mouth, the prick of sugar on his tongue, the dance of flavours in the air. He was propelled towards it, eyes flashing animalistically because he was running entirely on instinct. His feet barely touched the ground. His mouth was dry and the only thing that could sate his pallet was whatever he was careering towards. In fact, where was he? He wasn't even thinking enough to know. He was just following his gut and it was taking him directly towards -

"G-Gintoki?" Hijikata blinked twice. Yamazaki looked up too, pausing what he was doing. Gintoki panted, but he wasn't tired from running. His heart was pounding but no, it wasn't the exercise. The shiver in his hands, the pleasant high he was currently riding on powered by endorphins, the ferocious glint in his eyes … He suddenly knew what was going on. The cause of his crazed being was now in front of him and he knew what he was, what he had become.

"Danna?" Yamazaki put the spare dressing back into the first aid box beside him and stood up from where he had knelt. Gintoki only had eyes for Hijikata, or rather, the pulsating red zone on his neck. "Ah, one of Sougo's pranks went too far and the shrapnel caught him. He's fine though, it's just a scratch." Gintoki ignored him, his eyes glued to that luscious red strip of meat- skin. The words Hijikata had to say were caught in his throat. He couldn't even ask what was going on. The predatory glint to Gintoki's eyes pinned him to the floor and he felt something he couldn't explain. He rushed to cover his neck with one hand and Gintoki visibly stiffened.

"I guess I'll take my leave," Yamazaki mumbled, slipping from the room with a small mutter of indignation for being treated as a side character.

Once he was gone, Gintoki tried to catch his breath, but it continued to escape from him in large puffs. He blinked quickly and turned his back on Hijikata, shoulders rising to suck in air.

"What's wrong, yorozuya?" Hijikata asked, hesitantly. He didn't remove his hand from his neck. Something deep inside him commanded him to keep it hidden – something, he imagined, that knew better than him what was going on.

"Today," Gintoki laughed, eerily. "I disappeared." He continued to giggle to himself, ruffling his hair with unsteady hands. "Yesterday, I threw a pen further than the other end of an airport runway. The day before, I began to hear conversations from three houses down. Before that ..." Gintoki continued, voice breaking, "I had an allergic reaction to garlic. And right now," he turned back, eyes glinting redder than ever with an inhuman glow. "I can't keep my hands off you." Was that … a fang?

"What're you ..." Hijikata began, but he was silenced when Gintoki licked his lips and a sudden shudder of anticipation ran through him a mere second before Gintoki was on top of him. His arms were pinned by an immovable force and – fuck! Had he always been this strong?

The fresh dressing on his neck was peeled off slowly and the warm lick of a tongue ran down his neck. Hijikata wanted to protest but no words would come out. All sound was stuck in this throat, so he let Gintoki leave a trace of red hot saliva across his collarbone. Gintoki stopped for a second, a shudder visibly juddering his whole body as he tried to conceal an urge that wanted to burst out of him. Warm breath tickled his neck, prickling the hairs on his body.

"G-in … toki." He panted, unable to struggle, unable to resist. The weight on his waist remained but Gintoki held back. His breathing was impossibly fast.

"T-tell me no," he grunted, lips brushing sore skin on the wound. "Say it quick, stop me."

"What are you-"

"Say it!" Gintoki hissed, a thunderous boom echoing his words. "Or I don't know what I'll do."

"... Then carry on." Hijikata said, finding confidence where he should have none, keeping a calm tone when his head was a mess and a cold sweat was drying on his forehead. He should be shouting. He should be pushing Gintoki away, but... "Let's find out," he said, meeting Gintoki's burning fire with a calm, blue ocean.

* * *

 **AN- I am now on AO3 as requested! Type REINDOWN. I have left a few treats on there and re-written little bits. Have a look at the new _Words I Whisper Tonight_ , renamed _The Weight Of A Dagger, The Weight Of A Sword. Spell_ was going to be exclusive to AO3 but it ended up here anyway ... eheh. Thanks for all your support guys and look forward to more Gintama drabbles soon (plus some _Trusting in Your Betrayal_ and _Spell_ )! And thanks to the Guest who called him/herself my number one fan. Much love to you, especially you.**


	15. Always

**Always**

It was date night. Gintoki was bubbling inside with tiny sparkles of excitement. Kagura kept glaring at him as he hopped from room to room impatiently. He was trying to find things to do to fill the time between now and Hijikata finishing work – and failing. Sitting and reading JUMP was out of the question because his feet wouldn't stay still. Really, he could do with some bits and bobs from the corner shop but he was not about to leave the apartment. Cooking up something or other sounded really tempting, especially since his stomach was gurgling away at him. But no, he had planned his meals today so that he would be ready for eating at exactly the right time. He wasn't about to throw all that away and be forcing food down later.

He stopped his flapping and coughed into the back of his hand, trying to get rid of the irritated itch in the back of his throat. It wouldn't shift so he grabbed a glass and filled it with water, downing the contents to help ease his soreness. It helped a little, but there was no getting rid of this cold. He had been wheezing and spluttering for two days. Shinpachi had told him to reorganise his date but there was no way that was happening. His partner had been so busy over the last week … he hadn't seen him once. And that wasn't out of the unusual, but Gintoki himself had been away the week before so that made it two weeks without so much as a conversation. They had passed over date details on the phone which had lasted all of two minutes forty five seconds until Hijikata had to rush off. There was just no stopping that guy when he had something on his mind, namely work.

Gintoki coughed again and this time he wheezed. It took him a minute or so to recover his breath, but then he was back to the pacing once more.

"I'm glad that the mayo-idiot is staying here tonight instead of me, then _he_ can catch your illness instead," Kagura curled her lip. "I don't want to get your permy-stuff."

"It's not the perm's fault," Gintoki complained, scuttling to grab a tissue because he had just hawked up something disgusting. "Anyway, what time are you leaving?"

"There's a drama I want to watch before I head off. Mao Mao-chan found out that her half brother is actually the friend of her friend's ex-boyfriend who set fire to her house."

"Damn, I wanted to watch that one."

"I'll record it for you. Anyway, isn't it about time you set off?" She began to pick her nose on the couch, flicking the produce off somewhere.

"Not for another ten minutes."

"Don't forget that you haven't set that clock properly yet."

"Ah. Aaaah~!"

He _had_ forgotten. He was late.

There was nothing to do but run to their meeting place and hope that the grumpy policeman hadn't left before he got there. He was only about fifteen minutes off, but Hijikata wasn't known for his patience. Luckily, his fast feet brought him to the last corner just in time and he glanced up to see his partner still waiting there, foot tapping, smoke clouds billowing in quick successions. He swerved a woman with a pram and tripped, biting his tongue, cursing the last few meters under his breath. Once he finally reached his destination, he tried to beam up at Hijikata but he was far too exhausted. He coughed up what felt like the entirety of his lungs onto the back of his hand, reaching for a tissue he had stuffed away somewhere.

"P-phew," he panted hoarsely, feeling something else dislodge itself in his throat and setting into another bout of coughing. "Made it." As he finished wheezing up his lungs into a piece of crumpled tissue, he found the silence he received … odd, to say the least. Where was the curse? The insult? The quick comment? He looked up and the scowl he expected to see wasn't there.

"I-is that," Hijikata stuttered, face white, "blood?" Gintoki raised one eyebrow sky-high and wanted to begin yelling. The look on Hijikata's face silenced him; this was definitely not the time. He was too confused to react. He followed his partner's eyes and saw the smudge of blood on the tissue in his hand.

"Ah, this?" He stuck out his tongue at the ghost-faced man. "Ah bit mah tohngue." It took several seconds for the expression on Hijikata's face to lessen, but it was no less scary when it did. It left many unanswered questions between them. Gintoki, for once, couldn't read him. "Let's go?" He gestured, relieved when Hijikata nodded and began to walk towards the restaurant they were heading for.

Gintoki wasn't sure how to approach this situation. The silence between them was unusual and so he had no idea how to handle it. The best explanation he could give was that he must have had a bad day. Maybe he was suffering from a bit of PTSD, given his reaction to blood. The only thing Gintoki could think to do was ignore it, carry on. If he could get Hijikata to smile by the end of the night, there needn't be more said on the matter. They both had their secrets.

They found a table near the door but sufficiently hidden away, sheltered on both sides by wooden panels. It was something neither of them thought about but habitually, they'd sit somewhere like this. Somewhere they could see the door, where their exits were clear but they remained out of sight as much as possible. Instincts were hard to re-train and even though the both of them lived relatively safe, normal lives nowadays, scars would always remain. They would always keep the weight of a weapon on their left hip – it was a net they couldn't bring themselves to remove.

Hijikata slid into his seat and immediately hid his face in the menu, classic Hijikata-avoiding-eye-contact behaviour. Gintoki chose to ignore it and felt the bubble of excitement in his stomach pop. It was going to be one of those days, it seemed. When the mood was like this, he'd much rather stay at home with the kids because the terrible crushing sadness he felt on nights like tonight … it was like Hijikata felt he _had_ to go out, rather than he wanted to, and when Gintoki spent so much time chattering away, talking nonsense to fill the gaps and trying his best to make him laugh … All this wasted energy when he got so little response drained him, sapped away at his positivity. Was Hijikata even happy to see him? He hadn't even said hello yet.

Gintoki felt his throat scratch and he burst into another fit of coughing that left him gasping a little for air. Suddenly, Hijikata was on his feet like he had been fired upwards. He stood more rigid than the table legs and that expression was back. It seemed that Gintoki had misjudged the situation – this _had_ to be discussed. He should have said something earlier.

"What's going on?" He asked, voice sharp.

"You … you're okay?" Hijikata stumbled through his words, unsure of himself.

"Hm?" Gintoki found himself also on his feet. The atmosphere was too tense for him to feel comfortable seated. Something was wrong. "What do you mean?"

"You're - You seem to be … coughing a lot."

"It's a cold." Hijikata fidgeted. Gintoki eased himself back into his seat, hoping that Hijikata would follow. With a pause, he did, but he remained bolt upright in his chair.

"Did you get it, you know, checked?"

"It's not an STD you fool," Gintoki snorted. "No, it'll pass."

"But the blood -"

"I told you, I bit my tongue."

"But still!" Hijikata averted his eyes and fidgeted. "Go tomorrow to a doctor and get him to look at you."

"No?" Gintoki didn't _do_ doctors. They were paid to diagnose you with shit, of course he didn't like them. And he could look after himself. No, no doctors. This seemed to anger Hijikata, who clenched his fists.

"Don't act tough, Gintoki."

"I'm fine, I don't need to go," Gintoki pressed, getting a little frustrated himself. Even though the situation was far from apt, he couldn't help the coughing fit that ensued which only got worse as he tried to hold back.

Hijikata shot to his feet again and Gintoki was beginning to think he was a jack-in-a-box. "For god's sake," and his voice actually _cracked_ , "the doctor. Now."

His tone was frightened and that was _infectious_. And _oh_ , how stupid he had been. The pieces slotted together one by one; the truth dawned on Gintoki with painful clarity. _Mitsuba_.

"Please, Gintoki." Hijikata whispered. They both got it now. Gintoki nodded and rose to leave with Hijikata close behind. At this time there was only one doctor Hijikata knew would be willing to see them, so he led a solemn Gintoki back in the direction of his barracks. Two minutes, he kept saying, that was all it would take, and Gintoki was happy to oblige now he could _see_ the ghost haunting his partner. It was a scar of equal severity to PTSD and though they both knew he was fine … Hijikata was in desperate need of reassurance.

He couldn't lose the person he loved again.

One of the conditions of their relationship was Gintoki's lack of fragility. He knew that Hijikata could not let himself fall for someone vulnerable again, he simply wouldn't survive it. The day to day stress, the anxiety of living with a house of cards … There were many reasons that Gintoki was allowed to get close to Hijikata but that was one of the most key. Hijikata had convinced himself that he could not protect those his cherished most – after all, what good had passion and strength done for Mitsuba? To go through that again would be a calamity, so to have someone who didn't need a strong back to lean on was his lifeline. To have someone supporting his back, not relying on it … there were no words for how much that meant to him.

They didn't share a word betwixt, nor did Hijikata look up from the floor. Even when Gintoki became hoarse again, he glued his eyes to his feet and hastened his stride. Gintoki was forced to speed up to remain in step with him. He wanted to reassure Hijikata, but it was blatantly transparent that his words meant _nothing_ right now. Mitsuba had always said she was fine, and look where she was now.

But it hurt.

It fucking hurt that Hijikata was looking at Gintoki and seeing someone else, no matter how much he reasoned with it. The thought burned away at his mind; he couldn't shift it. He clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to dislodge the thought from his head but it just kept circling back to hit him again. Hijikata checked over his shoulder, then whipped his head back round when he made eye contact. Gintoki winced. They weren't far from the shinsengumi barracks and he just prayed that time would speed by. He couldn't wait for this night to end, for this cold to clear. The longer this went on, the more bitter thoughts he would have about Mitsuba and he just couldn't stand himself thinking like that. She deserved better. However, Gintoki was _not_ Mitsuba. He was _not_ her replacement. And as confident as he had been in this statement before, now he was doubting himself.

Gintoki was shown to Hijikata's room (as if he didn't know) and instructed to wait. Just before the door, Hijikata turned back again and said nothing, but his eyes spoke for him – _I need you to stay here._ And, of course, Gintoki would. He settled down beside the sliding door overlooking the outside grounds, watching the clouds circle the moon as night began to push dusk aside. He stifled another cough because the cold air creeping in choked him, but this just seemed to make it worse. Really, it was such a foul illness he had. It was nothing more than a cold, though. He imagined that Hijikata simply could not erase the memories of Mitsuba. The mornings she would cough blood, the wheezing to the point of fainting … he could understand Hijikata. That was why he was here. Still, he was frustrated.

This was meant to be a good night.

Hijikata returned alone and announced the doctor was on his way. Gintoki didn't even try for a smart comment. He looked to the sky once more and covered up a shiver. Of course, it didn't go unnoticed by hawk-eye and a blanket was wrapped around him faster than he could even utter Ketsuno Ana.

"You'll stay here tonight," Hijikata said, softly, but Gintoki exploded. He had reached his limit.

"That's too far!" He snapped. "There's fuck all wrong with me."

"It's for your own-"

"I'm not Mitsuba, alright? You don't need to mother me." The words stung his mouth but he still felt better about getting his feelings out in the open. He hated when they danced around a subject, pretending the tension between them was invisible. It was draining. Hijikata's lips formed a firm line.

"I'd just feel better if ..."

"You're overreacting and you know it." Gintoki spat. He could feel another coughing fit coming but he'd be damned if he let it. "Don't compare me to her."

"She just began to det- deteriorate and-"

"Don't," Gintoki shouted again, pounding the floor with his fist, "compare me." Hijikata glanced up and, for the first time that night, truly looked into Gintoki's eyes. His expression cracked. Guilt sagged his shoulders. Gintoki had to snap his head away and steel himself.

The doctor entered, sliding the door shut behind him. He jovially asked the problem, addressing the vice-commander, who briefly explained and pointed over towards his partner. Gintoki submitted to investigation, breathing into various tubes, having his heart listened to, his chest, coughing on request etc. The doctor scribbled onto a sheet of paper and stamped the bottom.

"So?" Hijikata finally spoke.

"I have prescribed some antibiotics but it should clear up within the week." Hijikata's chest visibly sank as he sighed quietly.

"It's nothing serious? Nothing like ..."

"No, just an infection. If it's still bothering you after that or if it gets considerably worse, contact me again."

"Thanks doc," Gintoki took the piece of paper and glanced at it. "You can keep the meds though."

"Gintoki!" Hijikata growled, staring him down aggressively.

"He said it's nothing!"

"For god's sake-" Hijikata ran a hand through his hair and tugged viciously. The doctor bowed and took his leave so the two of them were left staring daggers at each other.

With an exaggerated sigh, Gintoki laid onto his back and threw his arms dramatically into the air.

"What a shit night this turned into. I was looking forward to this." Hijikata came to join him at the open doorway and lit up a cigarette.

"Take the damn meds." He hissed.

"I've compromised once. This time, you should."

"We ain't compromising on your health."

"If you can tell me to take a bunch of meds I don't need, why can't I tell you to stop smoking?" Hijikata's hand hovered in front of his mouth. "It's the same thing. I don't want to have to visit your gravestone, Hijikata." With a sigh, he drew one last breath of nicotine and stubbed out the fag.

"Compromise." He muttered. "And … I don't compare you to her."

"You don't?" Gintoki snorted.

"... Maybe a little," he admitted with a sigh. "But you're you, and I love you in a whole other way to Mitsuba."

"For one, the sex is gr-"

"I will hit you, ill or not." Hijikata warned, whacking Gintoki in the side with one foot.

"You just did!" Gintoki complained.

"Listen to me for once, you great oaf." Whilst Hijikata lowered himself to sit down, Gintoki righted himself and shuffled to get comfy. "When I tell you to see the doctor or to take medicine, or to sit down like I did that time when you were … were- mmph."

"Stabbed." Gintoki supplied. Hijikata nodded curtly and battled to continue.

"Like then. Just do it, please." For added effect, he tilted his head to Gintoki and made sure he was looking. "I get … anxious. When you were bleeding out and you kept going, when you're coughing blood and you won't see a doctor-"

"I told you, I bit my tongue-"

"Just do it. Because, Gintoki," Hijikata leaned forwards to touch his temple against Gintoki's. "I need you here. Always." Gintoki chuckled.

"And I've said it before, haven't I?" He said, bumping heads with Hijikata. "I'm here. _Always_."

* * *

 **AN- The final part of this series! I'm now going to concentrate on Spell and TIYB. Couldn't help the archaic word thrown in there. It just spilled out.**


End file.
